In love with a ghost

With a memory that seems to fail me

If only you could touch me so I know that it was real

That I am real, but without you, without knowing if you really loved me

I’m the ghost floating in the past

 

You’ll never know the burden I carry remembering you

Fighting the fleeting memories from disappearing from my mind forever

Fighting to hold on unable to let go

Every time I spread my legs I wish it was for you

Every time I close my eyes wishing when they opened I’d see you

You linger on my body but I no longer feel your touch

You linger on my mouth but it’s only fantasy reminding me of your taste

Remembering the shiver that ran down my arching spine

Remembering the wentess and warmth and swelling in between my legs

 

Your body and smell and touch that brought me so much pleasure now tortures me at night

Your face and smile and voice that I lusted for now blurrs my vision for my future

You’ll never know the burden I carry still infatuated with you

 

Infatuation entangled in rage that leaves me paralyzed

Eating my way into the present to drift back into the distance

Opening my mouth only to fill it full

Pushing down the memories of you, the betrayal by you

I close my legs and deny myself pleasure because you taught me pain will follow

No longer able to orgasm freely, too afraid to be intimate with another

Im filled with doubts and fear and confusion as to why I can’t be free of you

Im filled with anger that weighs me down until I’m numb

 

In love with a ghost

Haunted by a ghost

I am a ghost among the living

Because I loved you

Because I thought that you were real

But whose real now