To Recieve your Self with Allana Pratt
“That was the sign I knew I was doing the getting it thing or the inaccurate way of receiving, when I had this sense of relief.”
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Allana Pratt
In this episode
We unpack the art of receiving, the use of psychedelics to unfreeze blocked energy stored in the hips, and how to trust your body with intensity. We share with you the number one unconscious belief that is preventing you from breaking retraumatization loops.
Allana shares her story of embodied surrender and how the union of your inner masculine and feminine create the space and potency for higher dimensional gifts to drop in.
You’ll witness the journey from living in strategy to living in safety and how to release sexual trauma from your body.
An episode filled with potency, transparency, and resonance.
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music or on your favorite podcast platform. Favorite quotes and a full transcript of this podcast can be found below.
About Allana Pratt
Intimacy Expert, Allana Pratt is a global media personality and go-to authority for those ready to heal heartbreak, live unapologetically and attract a soul-shaking relationship. This Ivy League grad is the Author of 6 books, has interviewed Whoopi Goldberg and Alanis Morissette, and Hosts the edgy Podcast Intimate Conversations: Season 11- Soul Medicine, where listeners learn how to ‘Become the One’ to 'Find the One’ which ‘Awakens the One.' A Certified Master Coach with over 5.6M viewers on YouTube, Allana was asked by Leeza Gibbons to coach her during Dancing with the Stars. Interviewed over 800 times, she's been chosen as an Icon of Influence and featured on Huffington Post, People Magazine, Forbes, CBS, ABC, FOX, TLC, iHeartRadio and more. For the past 20 yrs, Allana's brave willingness to heal her own heart makes her authentic, relatable and credible in her proven Coaching Programs and Intimacy Retreats. Her wisdom, exuberance and raw transparency inspire the deep soul work required to create a solid intimate relationship with one’s self first, which naturally attracts and enhances a healthy partnership that lasts. She’s a small town Canadian girl who is honored to love the sh** out of Humanity.
How To Connect With Allana
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Favorite Quotes from the Podcast
“I found I can love myself as a hot mess. “ - Allana Pratt
“The core fundamental building block of all relationships is our intimate relationship with ourselves.” - Allana Pratt
“When you truly surrender to divine will, you’re having an embodied experience.” - Allana Pratt
Transcript of the Podcast
[00:00:26] Erika Straub: This conversation took us somewhere. What a privilege to sit down with this woman again and to be so deeply met. It's my honor to introduce you to Alana Pratt. She's a global media personality and go to authority for those ready to heal heartbreak, live unapologetically and attract a soul shaking relationship.
[00:00:49] This Ivy League grad is the author of six books. Has interviewed Whoopi Goldberg and Alanis Morissette, and hosts the edgy podcast Intimate Conversations, where listeners learn how to become the one, to find the one, which awakens the one. Her wisdom, exuberance, and raw transparency inspire the deep soul work required to create an intimate relationship with oneself first.
[00:01:15] She's a small town Canadian girl who is honoured to love the shit out of humanity. I can't wait for you to drop in with us.
[00:01:22] I know that the work that you do in the world is so deeply revolving around intimacy. Yeah. And, like, what brought you into that and what lights you up about this beautiful, like, playing field of intimacy? Ah, I was just, can I swear? Of course.
[00:01:41] Allana Pratt: Okay, so I was such a fucked up mess when I first, like, started. My personal growth journey a couple of decades ago. And the first thing I realized is I hadn't, I was running so fast. I hadn't slowed down to feel inside, look inside. I didn't even know I had an inside. All I knew is that it was my job that you liked me and I was a people pleaser and I would give away my power.
[00:02:07] I wasn't like a downright liar or anything, but I was just so attached to anything I could do to make you like me. So I felt safe. And then when I started to look inside and I realized, Oh my God, there, I mean, I'm, I'm come Lotte graduate come, you know, Ivy league school, I've got all these accolades and accomplishments, but none of it made me feel good enough.
[00:02:29] Or safe. And when I started to look inside and I met my insecure parts, my humiliated parts, my, uh, yeah, just. Parts of it didn't trust men, didn't trust God, didn't trust women, I'd been betrayed by sisters. Like it didn't trust anybody. The first time I looked inside, I hated her. I was embarrassed by her.
[00:02:50] She needed to change fast before anybody found out. Um, and so I went on like, instead of like having compassion and empathy, I was like, you know, judgmental, even like worse criticism, even worse, which of course made it worse. And through a series of different events over the years, um, I was just brought to my knees and issues around my son and like a custody battle or issues around like, um, an ex being arrested for criminal assault, like things that I was so.
[00:03:20] Ashamed of that. I was like, okay, we need to sit here and do, do this, this deep work. And I learned how to truly, we all talk about inner child work, right? Into me, I see inner child work. And I always had an agenda. I'll be nice to you. If you change, I'll be nice to you. If you get confident, I'll be nice to you.
[00:03:41] If you will, you know, shape up, ship up so we can get, you know, more money, more impact, more something so that I'll finally be okay. But then one day, I was sitting on the deck of an A frame that I had rented because my son had told me he's going to go live with dad because he knew that was the only way to get dad to stop taking me to court for the custody battle.
[00:04:04] I know what I'm doing, mom. Relinquish legal custody and physical custody. So I said to my staff, I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. Thursdays through Sundays, and then my days through Wednesdays, I will work. So find me a place in the middle of nowhere so I can feel the feels. And I remember sitting there thinking, like looking in my mind's eye to little Alana saying, Oh, what you need is not only a hug.
[00:04:29] What you need is for me to stay with you. And I imagine she was inside my heart for eternity and throw away the key. Even if you never change. You actually want unconditional love. You don't want conditional love. And that's when it really dawned on me, this, the power of our deep intimate relationship with ourself and through a series of processes, et cetera, I found, wow, I can love myself as a hot mess.
[00:04:56] Wow. I can love myself alone. I can love myself single. I can love myself with tons of followers or no followers. I can love myself with a beloved or no beloved. I, I love myself. Oh, I'm enough. And then Shazam, instantly when that occurred, I had oneness with the divine. It was like the divine was there all along, loving me.
[00:05:18] I was the one shaming myself, pushing me away from that intimate. Divine communion with the all, and that was enough to go, okay, I'm not going to call myself a relationship coach anymore. Um, cause I hadn't been terribly successful at those, but I can call myself an intimacy expert. Yeah. I got this. I got this inner.
[00:05:40] Relationship. And to me, it's the core fundamental building block of all relationships is our intimate relationship with ourselves. So while I work with singles or couples, um, young or old, it's all the same thing at the core. And it's a, it's a gift to be able to go to the core with people and resolve those wounds.
[00:05:59] Erika Straub (2): It's such a gift. And I resonate so deeply with your story. I have, I have so many, so many similar parts and pieces and pivots and, and really like walking back the conditional love and not realizing that it was. Me giving myself conditional love, like that's such a shift because that's also what I was conditioned with was conditional love.
[00:06:26] And I had this aha moment, which it sounds similar to yours, uh, realizing intimacy isn't a thing that I get. I don't get intimacy. Things and something in that and like my relating and in the relational field, whether it was with myself or others, this isn't about getting, and that's a huge journey to walk out of this idea of getting, and I'm curious if you could speak into this idea of like giving to get and what that cuts us off from.
[00:06:59] Oh, you're so I'm so glad we're talking again. I've missed you. I didn't know that, but I did. Um, so I used to think receiving was go over there, get it, take it and bring it back. Like that's receiving. Um, and because it was all based on, I wasn't home in my body. I was three steps ahead to try to be safe.
[00:07:22] Allana Pratt: And so everything was strategic in my mind. What do I need to understand, get clarity about, in order to get from the outside to bring it on into the inside, which was empty. So I could feel the sense of relief. And that was like the, the sign I knew I was doing the getting it thing. Or the inaccurate way of receiving when I had this sense of relief, he texted relief, another client signed up relief.
[00:07:49] I didn't gain as much as I thought I would over Thanksgiving, whatever the relief is about. Right. It's an external circumstance to make me feel okay on the inside. I'm like, okay, so what is it going to take to have such unconditional love of all my parts without the need to change or fix. To truly be connected with all these parts of me, even if the bank account, the size of my butt, my relationship status, isn't my preference, can I still sit in the fire and be home with me?
[00:08:21] And then I started to realize, oh, receiving is not this action of going to get it, take it, bring it back. I can just sit here. And at the beginning that was hard because I was terrified. All of my level four trauma and disassociation, like not wanting to be in my body. I had a lot to integrate, a lot of rage, a lot of terror, a lot of, how could you, betrayal, a lot of, it must be my fault, like a lot of stuff, layers of it to integrate.
[00:08:50] But as I did and I kept integrating another piece, stay in the body, stay in the body, stay in the body. Not that I'm there. But I'm certainly more there than I've ever been where receiving is, it just arises of its own accord. Like I'm in action, I'm putting, I'm doing things, I'm sending emails, I'm showing up for this interview.
[00:09:08] I, I go to work, I work with my clients, but the, the, the, the things that I desire or the things that I require, I mean, I guess I would say I've asked. I believe I've got, you know, my angels and I say, it'd be super cool if we could have the, like, I'm in chit chat with my angels, but I'm not in the strategy of what I need to do in order to get it.
[00:09:29] I just put it out there and then I just show up and then it just shows up, I'll get a text, I'll get an email. Um, and most recently, I don't know, I don't think I've only been together with him for almost five months now. So I've met the one after 53 years and he, I did show up online dating. It was the very first person I met.
[00:09:51] Erika Straub: It was too easy. I'm like, Oh, I need to date other people for a month. This is too. This can't be right. This can't be true. Oh, yes, it was true. And it was that level of unapologetic, um, showing up. This is who I am. And it, I wasn't in a pretty place. Since we've talked last, I shut down my app. It didn't work.
[00:10:08] Allana Pratt: Um, the tech. The tech company did not come through. I was embarrassed with the investors. Uh, I was embarrassed with all the people that had signed up saying, you know, where's the app. Um, but I shut it down. So I was in a lot of, you know, I, I failed, I let people down. So I wasn't in this really like, Hey, I'm so, I'm so hot.
[00:10:27] You should date me. I was like, here's my situation. Here's where I am. Badass. Here's where I am a hot mess. Here's what I'm committed to. Here's what I'm open to. I don't even, at that point, I didn't even know where I was going to be living. I was staying at a girlfriend's house. I was just letting myself be light and saying, universe, have your way with me.
[00:10:45] And then it worked. Oh my gosh, I've had like chills and fire and sparks and like all the things happening as you share because there's so many, so many different pieces to this that like, I would like love to open up. Starting even with just the receiving piece, like I think we toggle between I need something to make me feel better, right?
[00:11:14] Erika Straub (2): Or I need to escape this. Yeah. And we're in this toggle. And I know for me, part of my deepest work in this chapter is really receiving. Not the get, not the like, I need to receive so my needs are met, but like the true receiving what is brought to the table. It's like this removing a layer between myself and the world, between me and my body, between myself and my parts, between myself and others.
[00:11:44] And so there's like such a rawness to it and such a fire to it and all the different stories that come up about why this fire is wrong. And I need to. I need to feel better. I need to get the hell out of it. Yeah. And I just had the most beautiful reframe even just this week as the fire has been there, like the fire is here in this moment as I'm burning through what this receptivity is.
[00:12:08] Allana Pratt: Yeah. But the reframe to me was, Oh, you're in the ceremony right now. Oh, I like that. Mm hmm. In the ceremony right now. Yeah. It's the truest description that I can find for receiving. It's in the ceremony with what is brought to the table and what I bring to the altar. And I'm like, I love you. Yes, yes, yes.
[00:12:30] Erika Straub (2): So different than that. I need to get something from you. And I think you naming the relief piece is actually the sign that like might not be in that like receiving place. Like that's such a beautiful like pattern. You're in the loop. Yeah. In the survivalism, the strategy that I need externally to feel like I am love and I'm not in shame.
[00:12:54] Allana Pratt: Yeah. Oh my God. I love what you're saying about the ceremony and the altar. And I was just tearing up even as you were saying it, because to me, receiving requires surrender and I actually just finished recording a prerecord for my own podcast about surrender and all the different things I thought surrender was.
[00:13:12] And to me, this ceremony, this sitting in the fire where you're not going to run away. Is is a I mean, it doesn't really work like this You don't like say hi to god and the goddess but like imagine you did And you you would sit down and for me initially I couldn't look god in the goddess in the eye I was ashamed and I was pissed.
[00:13:30] Why the fuck did you give me these circumstances, right? I must not be worthy But then right and when I truly surrender to divine will let's call it and sit in the fire or be in the ceremony I'm having an embodied experience You That the divine never went anywhere. The divine is right here, and this is not cognitively analyzing this is for me, but no, like feel into it how this is exactly what I require, and I'm held, and I'm safe, and all is well, and I can't fuck it up, and you're handling everything.
[00:14:06] Erika Straub (2): All of that. Yeah. To me is receiving. Yeah. All of it. All of it. It's so much about like feeling more, feeling at all. It's not even, I feel better because I certainly don't always, certainly don't know. Alignment doesn't feel good all the time. Oh, it doesn't. And like removing all the blocks that tell us it should, because resistance to receiving right there.
[00:14:31] Yes. Beautiful, uh, image come through in a meditation. And it's again, this ceremony idea and being in front of, or behind a fire. So there's this huge fire and then the goddess Kali just like dancing. And like, it's this, this homecoming to me and this image that I like keep coming back to every time. And you know how everything shows up in our external when we're, we need to learn a the same.
[00:15:04] Same piece keeps showing up for me. So I'm like, it's clear. Something is trying to burn away. Yeah. And it feels like for the first time I'm receiving it as opposed to like resisting it and like being like this again, gosh, this must be wrong then. Why am I doing that? You know, on and on the shame story, but realizing they keep bringing me the same fucking ceremony until I surrender, which I don't know about you surrender was the thing I did not want to do.
[00:15:33] Allana Pratt: Oh no, relinquish control. I don't think so. Yeah. Especially when our boss babe, badass, like whatever empowered self, like we're clearly past being the damsel in distress victim, but this new stage of like, my voice matters. I can make a difference. I can create a result. I'm, I can take ownership. Like it gets a little sexy to the ego.
[00:15:56] Right? So I, I wonder, I feel since this is, um, like an ego death, that's what doesn't, that's what needs, that's what Kali is coming for the kill. She's coming for the kill of the ego. So that. You, eyes wide open, can surrender to being used, filled, animated by, inspired by literally you as the divine, right? To me, every, and I don't think we like have one ego death.
[00:16:24] I think there's like, like DNA spiral as we keep ascending. There's rounds of this, but that literally happened to me as recently as June and I moved to my girlfriend's place, July, I went online. It's December in a couple days, Friday. I'm living in Charleston, South Carolina in my beloved home. Like what the fuck is that?
[00:16:48] It's, it's, it's outside of time. We've known each other for probably since the fall of Atlantis and Lemuria. Like it's, it's crazy. It's easy. It's safe. It's everything I've ever wanted because I finally let go of needing it. Yeah. Can you say more on like your journey of letting go of control and letting go of needing it?
[00:17:13] Erika Straub (2): Like, what does that encompass? What does that ask of you? It's it's, it's encompassed a lot of tears and a lot of tequila, but, um, so back in June. Since we spoke last, I would say I was probably at one of the highs of my life, made more money than I never made, had investors, this app, um, was dating someone I was, you know, rocking it.
[00:17:38] Allana Pratt: Um, and slowly, but surely all the efforts that I made to create results stopped creating results. And then the last relationship became physically abusive. And I didn't tell anyone because who am I, this intimacy expert who's attracted like a criminal. So I didn't tell anybody. And I went to, I left. And I was in permanent disassociation, permanent survival, permanent shame.
[00:18:01] Everything fell apart. Um, he ended up pleading guilty of criminal assault. So that was good that I stood up for that, but everything else, it was like trying to write the Titanic. And here's what I discovered. There was this program that was a blind spot that led to that relationship. And the gift of that relationship was to show me there's still a really big piece that is a blind spot that you need to address.
[00:18:23] And it was self hatred all the way back to being, um, molested as a child, being told, you made me do this, it's your fault and internalizing that and not dealing with it until my fifties. So that was, um, about a year and a half of psychedelic somatic integration or dealing with tier one trauma in the body.
[00:18:48] I've done lots of tier three, ayahuasca, psilocybin over the years, but none of it's none of it healed the trauma that created those. Repeated patterns where I was always looking for the next abuser to survive. Once I got this level of abuser to survive, let's get a worse one and a worse one. So I grew in my capacity to master surviving abusers.
[00:19:08] So I'm like, okay, let's go back to the beginning and integrate those really core wounds. So when I did that, everything in my life I had created through the guise of how am I going to survive these angry men, my coaches. My business partners, my technology, but like all the people that I had created my business around, not all, many were from that old wound.
[00:19:31] So it wasn't meant to keep going. It was meant to fall. It was meant for Kali to kill it, you know, just let it fall. So there I was sitting with one of my coaches and I had just shut down two companies and was sobbing. And I said, I'm done. I don't even have the energy to be scared anymore. I don't even have the energy to be angry anymore.
[00:19:53] I don't have the energy to try anymore. My drive to try to make a difference is gone. I'm, I'm done. I even had like three weeks of suicidal ideations before that call. Like I was like, why be here? It was dark. And then he's, and then he's so cute. He's like, sounds like you're about to evolve. Sounds like you're about to awaken.
[00:20:13] And I'm like, fine. What do I do? He's like, let go. And so we sat in a ceremony. And I let go of my businesses and then I gave my money, my bank accounts to the divine. I gave, um, my son, my son is living with his dad. He hasn't responded to me in three and a half years. Very painful. I said, here, take my son. I said, you know what?
[00:20:38] I, I really feel like I'm supposed to have a beloved. If not take my beloved, I really feel like I'm supposed to do a docuseries or make even greater impact on the planet. Fine. Take my docuseries. And then I looked at my cat, I'm like, you can even have my cat. And I said, you know what? It can even have my life.
[00:20:58] If I'm all fully used up and there's no use for me, take me, take me. But I can't do this any longer trying to think I'm making it happen. You know, I'm yours. And I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed and surrendered my entire life to the divine. And it was shortly after my landlord turned off my electricity and water.
[00:21:21] Because I stood up to him and I said, okay, that's a very bold sign. Got it. Got it. Okay. And then I moved in with the girlfriend in North Carolina, as I said, and within a few weeks, I met my beloved and then the business is fine. I restructured it. It's fine. Debt consolidation. It's all fine. My health is fine.
[00:21:39] My son has not called yet. And it's totally okay. Every, and my cat's alive. Um, but that's what it took for me, literally giving everything to the divine. And to like the deepest, darkest places, those corridors, the vortexes. What I'm, what I'm seeing now is this image of like the dungeons, like going all the way deep into that.
[00:22:08] Erika Straub (2): Yeah. I think about it as like we bring up this stuff from like the very, very deepest, darkest place, like how it came down is like how it comes up, like that same level of pain and grief and rage all comes with it, and it's such a sacrifice. And. Whatever we let go of like the beauty of what is returned and what is evolved and like the sacrament It's it's so profoundly life changing Like what a beautiful profound experience you just went through like what you just described to me is like that is intimacy What is more intimate than?
[00:22:49] Yeah. Yeah. Being, letting everything go and being so vulnerable, so transparent, so raw and just naked before the divine. And what I got in these dark dungeons, I love the imagery you're giving us is it's completely dark. It's so dark that you can't, there's no context. You don't know where you're moving or anything.
[00:23:07] Allana Pratt: It's just pitch black until you discover, you know, where's the light? Where's the way out of here? What, what? Until you discover, Oh, I am the light. Oh. Oh. Source isn't out there to save me. Source is in me, to inspire me, and has never left. And that is, to me, embodiment. And that's what no one, no thing, no circumstance can take away from you.
[00:23:34] And it's not 24 seven. I get scared from time to time. I'm pissed off from time to time. But when you've touched home, you, you know, home, you can return to home faster and faster all the time. You're still definitely a human. And yet your vibration brings others. Peace, calmness, they feel safe. Um, and so if you're looking for that kind of, ah, relationship on the outside in to feel this way, you don't need to look anymore because you already are that you are safety itself.
[00:24:05] You don't need to look for safety. You are surrender itself, strength itself, everything itself already. So that's that sense of, Oh, I don't need to control anything. He's already with me. My inner masculine and feminine are like Shiva Shakti. You know, Ying Yang, I'm, I'm good if I have a vibrator and I'm super good, like it's all fine.
[00:24:27] And so when you show up, there's zero neediness, so you're showing up whole and then you thus can vibrationally, I'm not even going to say attract, cause I still think that was my ego saying, say I could manifest this and I can attract this. No, seriously. Divine's in charge again. But the divine in me awakened the divine in my partner, his name's Scott, and he also has been doing his work.
[00:24:52] So when he met me, the divine in him awakened the divine in me. And so we aren't one and one is two, we're one and one is infinity. And we're not, Oh, you complete me. We're, Oh, let's fuck some shit up and have a good time on this planet together. Right? Like we're shoulder to shoulder aware of all awakening these amazing qualities within one another.
[00:25:14] Like he's, he's retired. Um, but he's a musician and he's the front man of a band and he likes, he makes me love songs. He writes me love songs and sings to me exactly what you deserve. Like, Oh, that's just like pure magic, pure magic. And I, I'm not, I'm inspiring him, but I'm not doing anything to inspire him.
[00:25:38] I'm just being me and then he is amazing and inspiring me and he's not doing anything. He's just seeing me being him. Yeah. That right there. Never had this. Yeah, yeah. I've, I've touched into it, but it's, it's so new. It's so foreign. Because I think a lot of our templates are about how do we earn something, right?
[00:26:01] Erika Straub (2): What do I, what do I bring to the table? Not just like, who am I and what do I radiate and what do I inspire and what do I mirror? What I'm really learning in these relational spaces is the level of attunement two people can have for each other. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So profoundly life changing and amplifying, right?
[00:26:23] Like when we can see the divine in each other, the amplification of that, it's, it's, There are no words to describe that to me. Like it's like timelines collapse, like doesn't matter the details, right? Where we're living, what we're doing, how much money we're making. It's just like all of a sudden timelines collapse because there's just this, like, I see you, you're not doing anything to get the person to see you.
[00:26:50] Allana Pratt: Yeah. It's just like organic. I am fully in myself, like inhabiting myself. Sorry. And I love like that. You mentioned just that union of masculine and feminine internally. I think that's a big piece of it. Like that has to be union has to happen before this happens here. And I don't know, I'm imagining, but it was definitely my journey and experience for those to be so out of whack and like the union, like, no, like, Zero.
[00:27:22] Erika Straub (2): And I'm curious, like, what was your inner masculine and feminine like before they really came together? Oh, they didn't talk. They blamed each other for everything. Um, he was hyper vigilantly crazy, running three steps ahead to try to, you know, survive the abuser. She was checked out, disassociated, uh, betrayed beyond measure, hopeless beyond measure, unwilling to even try again, because the level of How could you was just devastating.
[00:27:50] Allana Pratt: So they were like as disparate as you could possibly imagine. And so I truly, and I'm, I'm now doing these, um, I call them PSI psychedelic somatic integration is a piece of what I do in my VIPs now, where I'm able to help integrate with all of my other superpowers, these, these disparate parts of us. And they're not wrong.
[00:28:11] They're just, and I'm not going to say stuck. I'm going to say held in these various levels of trauma. So level four, Is when you're gone, you're disassociated and you're hyper vigilantly running. It'll often be pain in your neck or maybe your hip flexors will just be on all of the time or your shoulders will be up.
[00:28:29] You could have physical manifestations of this. Um, you might not be able to sleep well. Um, you're just always, always running and you never rest, never rest, adrenal issues, et cetera. And then the other half was dead. Just dead. And I didn't know how to, until I went through these processes with my facilitators, I didn't know how to be with the level, and I'm just gonna be honest, hopelessness.
[00:28:54] Like, if this is this what that what men do, and then also betrayal from sisters. Is this what sisters like I had to feel through a lot of really sad hopelessness And I had to feel through a lot of rage and terror to feel through a lot. But the way that I was Facilitated in the way I facilitate my clients There's an understanding of oh, this is how the autonomic nervous system is going.
[00:29:20] Oh, I can hear Spirit. This is what's like. There's all these multi dimensional ways that it's all working together. And here's the key to trust body. I was only trusting my divine mind, very connected in my pineal. I could hear non local intelligence. No problem. My heart was splayed wide open. I'm a brave motherfucker.
[00:29:36] Not a problem. Had no clue. I wasn't even in my hips. I was numb. I'd never had a vaginal orgasm in my life, only clitoral because it was all numb in there. I had no clue. There was no energy down there at all. So as I started to come more and more into my body and my body came back online, I awoken, I woke up inside of me and the masculine started to calm down.
[00:30:01] The feminine started to show up and then many times in my ceremonies, they, they started to chat. They started to like, look at each other. They started to put one hand out. They started, then they started to thank each other. Thank you for being hypervigilant, protecting us in survival all these decades, probably lifetimes.
[00:30:20] Thank you for checking out because the amount of pain that we needed to integrate would have messed up our survival. Thank you for waiting until now to do the work. And then they just, and it took about a year. A year of this inner work at this next level, I've been doing work for 20 years, but this next level of work until they had communion.
[00:30:39] And then not only did, so that happened. And then after the communion of masculine and feminine inside of me, all of my multidimensional beings started coming in. I didn't even know that was a thing. And so like, yes, I'm a human on the planet 3d. Okay. Got it. 11th dimensions angels. Okay. Got it. But all these goddesses, dragons, Egyptian mythology, I'm just like, I start toning.
[00:31:02] What the hell's going on here? Like all these other skills I'm doing sessions and something's moving my hands and it's not me. I'm like, wow. And the humility of like, I'm a vessel, but it's not me. And it's again, back to that surrender. Like you're running the show. Thank you for not letting me fall. Thank you for literally lifting me, holding me, helping me.
[00:31:24] And now I can help others. Are you kidding me? Thank you. It's yeah, it's been exquisite. What you had to like clear out of the vessel. Yes, yes, yes, exactly. All that. And like tap in with that, like, Ooh, that, that work right there. Like to me, that's like the surrender that's like on the knees. That's like a hundred percent.
[00:31:48] Erika Straub (2): A shower floor. Yeah. And that like, I so deeply resonate with that. That was me last year. There was like a six to nine month window of like on my fucking knees. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Daily, maybe more than that. And I remember it culminated in me hearing this part inside me that said, I don't want to be here if I have to do it alone.
[00:32:15] And it was so terrifying to hear that. Wow. Also so profound because I heard another part say, I don't want to hurt you because you're hurting and having both of those show up at the same time, I feel like profoundly changed like my healing journey where it was like. I need help. Like I truly need containers that can do this work.
[00:32:40] And I don't know if I would have done that because I was also the very like strong. I got this. I'm fine. You know, ego got the business do that. I'm fine. But these containers brought like so much life. To me because it was like being held for the first time and you've mentioned this a couple times and I'm so curious to dive into this with you because we haven't touched on this together before that led me to doing psychedelics and just starting with micro dosing.
[00:33:13] That has been the most profound work in my life so far. The, uh, the descent it's taken me on in my body, like that discovery of like, Oh wow. My heart really wasn't open. Like that wasn't open. I was in my body, but it wasn't in my womb. It was like this invitation to descend in like a way that I was, I didn't even know you could descend into that place.
[00:33:41] And you like my hips have been so frozen. Like frozen, like hip flexor psoas, frozen, with so much trauma and terror, like, you know, across the board and to have this medicine help me drop into that and start to feel that is like life changing, but the amount of terror that comes up as you drop into that for the first time is, yeah.
[00:34:09] intense. Um, so I'm just curious a little bit about like your psychedelic work and like what that journey's been like for you. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. Um, one thing I want to say, and then I want to tell you all about the journey. I had never honored the wisdom of my body. I'd honored my body and I eat well, honored my body, listen to my intuition, honor my body, sleep, all the things, but I had never surrendered.
[00:34:36] Allana Pratt: In a psychedelic journey to the wisdom of my body, all my psychedelic journeys in the past, ayahuasca psilocybin where tier three leave have oneness with the divine, leave my body. Um, I'm very good at leaving my body from all the disassociation , so I didn't need any help there. And that didn't solve my problems around, uh, the kind of relationships I was attracting.
[00:34:58] So the way I did this was with, um, MDMA day one, cannabis Day two, blindfolded staying in the body tier one. Facilitator. I, I worked with a, a woman first and then a gentleman second. And it was divine because when I came into my body, the first session, um, that's when all the images came back. The sounds came back.
[00:35:20] The smells came back. The penetration came back. The rapes came back. The most being molested as a kid. I had no memory that that occurred. I knew I didn't really care for this one and that one, but I had blocked it all out. So it was. Horrific to discover and literally recapitulate replay as the autonomic nervous system is taking you through what actually happened and you're trusting your body.
[00:35:43] You're surrendering and your body's doing this. Right. And your hands are covering your vagina and like your body's redoing what happened so that it can come back to zero. So it was horrific. And it finally was also the ability to forgive myself because that's why I kept attracting the abusers. Yeah.
[00:36:04] Because I wanted so and so to be kind to me and protect me, not be my predator. Right. So it was really intense. And then after working with her, I was ready to have a masculine practitioner who does work more like me on these multidimensional levels. He's a shaman. He'd play music. The first were very. By the book.
[00:36:25] By the book. Um, but I'm not a by the book person. So it was better for me. But he's also a smaller man. He reminds me of like, like a magical elf. So he, he was the first masculine I could be safe with. As I learned to trust the masculine again, and literally rewire my autonomic nervous system and my sense of secure attachment with a healthy masculine.
[00:36:49] So it was brave as anything. And he's amazing. And I'm forever grateful for him, but we began to do, I mean, I did probably 27 journeys of the last time I did my last journey with him. To bring myself home into my body. And so I have great respect for not just the medicine, but the use of medicine to stay in your body, surrender to body trust body, body knows what it's doing.
[00:37:13] And it'll take you wherever we've aborted, wherever we've disassociated to feel what we couldn't feel at the time with a facilitator. And now this is the blessing I get to do with my clients. Take me with you. I'm right here. Right. And I've gone to some dark places, different lifetimes. Uh, it's been profound.
[00:37:33] And every single time I don't need to do anything. Yeah. Their body. And then in sacrament with the, in partnership with the medicine, it knows damn well what they're doing. And it's, it's exquisite. And I'm so grateful. And the work you've done allows you to be able to go with them. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Now, like, clearly nothing scares me.
[00:37:55] Erika Straub: And so I've seen a lot. Yeah. And I'm clearing out. Things and angels are showing up and my hands are doing weird things and I'm aware it gets so beautiful. So beautiful being able to Help somebody clear patterns Whether there's a man with mummy issues or a woman with daddy issues or what? Have you but also addictions a gentleman that had not been able to kick the drinking habit for over three or four decades Then three weekends with me He doesn't even desire it anymore.
[00:38:26] Allana Pratt: Because it never had anything to do with the drinking in the first place. It had to do with his mom was dying growing up. She almost died, she almost died, she died. And not his brain, but his body was clear it was his fault. And he didn't have the right to live, but we don't discover that in a normal coaching session.
[00:38:45] Erika Straub: We discover that in surrender and in gratitude to the medicine going into the body and whatever arises. And on the MDMA was the first day where he felt through how much he blamed himself day two on cannabis. She arrived. He was lying on the bed, blindfolded, and his knees were bent and he started to rock back and forth.
[00:39:07] Allana Pratt: His body did, he didn't do it. I said, who, what's going on? He goes, my mom's here. My mom's rocking me. She's telling me it's not my fault. I mean, it just makes me cry right now, like. That's like 30 or 40 decades of alcohol abuse and the marriage was on the line and she had said if this doesn't change We need to end our marriage like it was for real and after that he doesn't try to not drink.
[00:39:31] It's gone Yeah, I've never experienced this kind of transformation and it's a huge honor to walk this path with people Yeah, do you find a lot of people like at the the root of a lot of this?
[00:39:51] It's been, it's been across the board for me. Maybe that's just because that was my wound and I'm attracting a similar frequency. But at the, but every single client that I've had that I've taken this through, whatever went down, the body believed it was their fault. Maybe they've evolved spiritually and the mind, divine mind knows it's not.
[00:40:11] Maybe the heart is open and has compassion and forgiveness, but this is the piece that I never honored. Fully until this, this last couple of years was the body is equally, it's a Trinity body, mind, spirit. Right? And so the body needs to be honored as its own conscious, wise being to come home. Even if you know better, even if you can have forgiveness, there's still another piece and that the body has believed I'm, it's my fault.
[00:40:41] And then there's self hatred around that. It's, it's so interesting because the body is really our vessel. It's really where, like, it's our container, right, for all these other pieces. It's the thing that holds us and it's, it's time and time again, the thing that we don't feel safe holding us. It's the thing that we feel safe in.
[00:41:05] Erika Straub (2): Oh, well, I blamed it. It's what caused all the trouble. Yeah, yeah, we blame it. We feel like it betrayed us. I think that's fun too. Like, I can speak to when I was having like a ton of panic attacks. This was It went on like on and off for like a decade, like there was a moment where it was just awful, you know, for a couple months or whatever, then be okay.
[00:41:28] And then come back and, and was working through some very serious, deep trauma at that time. Like my body was like, I'm not going to hold this anymore. Like you need to wake up and it was incredibly, incredibly painful and terrifying and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Yeah. Yeah. It was my initiation. I would have never fucking come home to myself or done this work if it wasn't big and loud and like ripped the ground underneath me like everything.
[00:41:57] It was literally everything and I remember really feeling the the story of it as my body is betraying me. Yeah. It was really deep sense of betrayal and then the feeling of like and I'm trapped in it like there's nothing I can do about it and You know, we can look at both those stories and they do, of course, go deeper and have deeper threads than that to them.
[00:42:23] But I think our relationship with the body and our story about the body really is like foundational for this work. If we don't make amends with the body or get in alignment with the body, how can we touch any of these other things? There's nothing to hold us. And, you know, taking it one step further, I think a lot of us were not held We didn't have support to hold us.
[00:42:48] So we had to create all these different ways that were containing ourself and then, and then saying the body's doing something wrong when it's like, we're really adapting to like, These really tragic or awful traumas that we experience and having no, no way through no way. Yeah. It's amazing now to have witnessed the body Taking me through all of those things and getting me home every single time now I could get in the way and abort not feel push it away Going to my head like I could get in the way But if I surrendered every single time through the most horrific, like all I could do is the inhale.
[00:43:33] Allana Pratt: I'm like, wow, I got through the inhale. Wonder if I'll get through the exhale. Oh, I did that. I like it's touch and go is how it felt every single time. It brought me home to zero and zero, not just being, oh, it's the end of the panic. No home wellness, not calm, like checking out. Uh, have a glass of wine, calm, no, like in the face of anything, oneness and yumminess and peace, just, I've never experienced this wholeness in my body, pockets, as you said, but I, I wasn't for me, the pelvis, the womb, I wasn't, I wasn't in there.
[00:44:10] And now to have this sense of alignment deeper in, it's sort of like a, like a, I like the analogy of a sailboat. My mast was strong, my, you know, and the sails were out and I had divine connection and then the hull of the boat was my heart. My heart was open, but I was, I had no keel. I would just fall over all the time.
[00:44:31] And now that I'm back in my heads, I'm like, Oh my God, there's a keel in there. There's a place I source my words from. That isn't a thought I'm cleaned out to be used. It's a safety I've never known that even though I might like, even This morning going for a walk with my boyfriend, um, I'm still scared to say no, like, do you want to go for a walk?
[00:44:53] Sure. Like, I don't want to say no, that's still in there. It's still in there. So there's a certain amount of healing I've gone through in facilitation, um, on my own or with my, um, teachers. It's a whole other round on the court of life. Moving in, my pods are delivered, my cat and his dogs are like, you know, like the real stuff.
[00:45:15] Another round will come up. And yet I got me in a way I've never had me and I'm nervous, but I'm not disassociating and he's amazing. And he's like, this is the month, the first month was just moving in, you know, tackle tackling all the stuff. Second month is, he said, this is your month to discover you.
[00:45:37] Like what is my morning ritual? Not just join his head. Where's my office going to be? And yeah. Where's, where am I going to get my hair cut and my nails done? Like I'm finding me and he's encouraging it and it's got to be an outer reflection of my inner work I've done to value me, put my roots down. So it's a process, I guess is what I'm saying.
[00:46:02] You don't, it's not like a one and done kind of thing, but it gives you the ability to navigate anything. Yeah. Yeah. What, what does this, this place of home feel like for you now that like all these pieces are online and connected, like, what does it feel like to live in that, to be in that space? Yeah. I'll be really honest with you.
[00:46:26] When it first, when the, I don't know if it's the last, but when it felt like all 12 multidimensional beings were there, it was so disorienting and so destabilizing because this turned it off. My brain turned off. My thinking mind turned off. My ego turned off and I was searching for understanding what the hell's going on.
[00:46:48] And my facilitator was like, if you're in the fifth dimension now and we don't do thinking anymore, we do being, we don't need to understand that's based on a fear to try to get clarity and understand so that you're safe. You don't need that anymore. So look for knowing. Deeper down in the hips. I was like, oh, oh, that's home.
[00:47:10] Oh, that's how we do it. But it was very destabilizing. Because all of my old strategies, all of how I'd have my team bonding meetings with my staff, all of how I'd create 2024, like, None of it works anymore. Drive is not motivated by accomplishment anymore. It's, it's the arising of delight, creativity, joy, sensuality, um, love, care, it's a totally different thing.
[00:47:40] And I don't get to do the three steps ahead in order to control the outcome thing anymore. It's like, I'm just at the moment and then I'm in the moment and then I'm in the moment. And so on the one hand. It's home, safe, exquisite, beautiful, thank God, deeper sleeps. My first vaginal orgasm, we're on our way to have a cervical one, you know, we're practicing just like a wow, like pleasure and rapture in my body and not, but, and so that's like half of it.
[00:48:09] The other half simultaneously is, this is a whole new way to create a business, run a business or create what's next, I guess. It's not creation. Like I, like I have before it requires massive faith. It requires, I'll, it's on a need to know basis, the divine will tell me, I don't get to have all these things I used to have, but I do know what alignment feels like in my body.
[00:48:36] I don't talk myself into or out of things anymore. I can't lie to myself anymore. It's very, very obvious. And it feels natural. It's like a tuning fork, like a harmony on a piano, dun, dun, dun, Elvis, heart, divine mind. And it's not prefrontal cortex. Figure it out. Mine. It's deep in the dark in the center of my head.
[00:48:56] And that it just feels like a well earned birth rate of doing all this work. But then at the same time, so there's a sense of like, good for you, Alana. But the other time it's like, I am so humbled. I don't know what I'm doing. It's a completely new dimension. I'm a baby. Um, so majesty and student all at the same time.
[00:49:16] Erika Straub (2): It encompasses so much. And I think it's, it's so powerful. You named the destabilizing part. I think sometimes it's easy to think like. It's just like, I just feel so safe and so held and so supported and so clear and all of that. And it's, it's not because you truly do lose access to all these other ways that we used to show up in the world and face the world.
[00:49:41] So it's totally destabilizing. And I felt, and I was thinking about this as you were saying it, um, we're kind of taught this home feeling and like this safe feeling is just being calm. Yeah, it's just like this calmness. And I think I was living in a place of a little bit of a distortion for a while that like, wow, I've created so much calmness and like so much peace and quiet and like home, you know, and it was void of.
[00:50:13] womb space. It was devoid of like divine connection. It was devoid of like that true, really powerful life force coming through. Like there's an intensity to it as well. This is so brilliant. You're saying this because that's what I meant by alignment doesn't always feel good. Sometimes it's calm, but sometimes it's ferocious.
[00:50:32] Allana Pratt: Yeah. Like I, I had a client who renewed for another year. We've done incredible work. We've Being triggered like, Oh, you just want my money. I can't trust women. I can't trust you. It was this whole thing coming up. And there was a ferociousness in me mixed with a tenderness in me that I normally wouldn't.
[00:51:00] I would just say, okay, fine. That's fine. It's not a fit move on. But there was something was like, Oh hell no. If you do this with me, you're going to do this with everyone else on this planet. Not on my watch. Like, no, You don't pull this bullshit on me. This is what you do. Like I was cranky as fuck. And then I said, and you are me.
[00:51:16] This is what I did. Like, it was totally humble, totally owning it. No better than him. And then I was totally tender. And I said, and I mean it like, and I love you. Like, we found each other on the planet to do this work together. Just like I found my facilitators. And then I just shut the fuck up. And he's like, I don't think I've ever been fiercely loved by the feminine only used.
[00:51:39] And he's like, and I know this is real, and I'm really grateful that you fought for me.
[00:51:48] But I was walking a fine line there, right? He could have hung up the zoom, and that was the end of it, but it was worth fighting for his truth, his soul. It's beyond a coaching, coachy relationship. It's what fierce love would do when you're in alignment with truth. Cause some people don't, don't renew or I don't ask them to renew because the energy is not there.
[00:52:11] The alignment's not there. I took them as far as they're ready to go now or maybe ever. And that's okay. That's a blessing and release. But this one didn't feel like that. And so there's no right way. It's each moment's truth. Yeah, but that's the like coming from all of this alignment and you to let that channel through you because it is risky, right?
[00:52:33] Erika Straub (2): It is fierce. But when that alignment is there, it's like we kind of just get out of our own way. And there's this just this channel that has to go. But I think so much about living in this space is really about like, can I be in this intensity? And like, what are all the ways, you know, I've tried to escape it or numb it or flatten it.
[00:52:53] I know I've come up with every possible way to try to get away from the intensity, but then it's like, Oh wow, I've built the capacity that my vessel can actually hold and channel this intensity. Well said. Yep. Yep. That's a really good point. Because if I had done, got the whole result of all of my year, year and a half of these last journeys all in one sitting, I think I would have like, Broke the system like overloaded or something because there is a development of a capacity to Be with incredible emotional intensity, energetic intensity, um, channeling information intensity, situational intensity, um, and intensity is not bad and to know that your body will bring you back to zero.
[00:53:43] Allana Pratt: I needed to trust body and know that I can handle and build the capacity to handle this level of intensity. And then that's also the other side of intensity is also bliss, joy, orgasmic rapture. It's like, there's not just difficult intensity, there's delicious intensity too. Absolutely. Yeah. It's, it's profound to, to find that place, to live from that place, to quickly be able to be like, I am not in that place, but I know the way back.
[00:54:10] Erika Straub (2): Yeah. Carve that pathway back. Yeah. Yeah. It's such a gift. It's such a like, it's earned, you know, when like we had to discover all of this through dismantling all that wasn't and to work through all the unconsciousness, all the re traumatizations, like it really is something. So to be celebrated. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:54:34] Allana Pratt: I'm so happy for you. I'm so happy for me. I'm so happy for you. Like how, what a powerful reflection for us to come back together. Let's hear it here. A year time and like, it feels like, like such immense growth and like, just even like the energy here. Like, I mean, I loved our connection the first time we met, but like, it, it just is like, there's, I don't know, there's this palpable, just like magic here.
[00:55:02] Erika Straub (2): Yeah. And it feels really good to, you get it. You've walked it. You're there. And when we, when we speak about relationships, whether that's a professional client or your beloved, you now are the capacity to have this kind of knowing and understanding and seeing each other with a beloved. I don't have to try to explain it to my partner.
[00:55:26] Allana Pratt: I don't have to try to explain it to you. Um, and so it's very nourishing because I do have to explain to a lot of people. Yeah. You know? So thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It's the most beautiful feeling to share, to share the language, to share the experience for like this all to like, it just so deeply resonate.
[00:55:46] Erika Straub (2): Like that's like the soul to soul, right? Like deep soul. Deep soul. I'm so glad we could come together and have this powerful conversation. Like I'm going to be sitting with this like all night. Just like, Oh my gosh, there was so much, so much here. Um, I want to make sure that we let all the followers know where they can find you.
[00:56:11] Body of work. Oh, thank you, sweetheart. Yeah. So my site is my name. Alanaprat. com. On it, there is an intimacy blind spot assessment, a complimentary quiz to help people go, Oh, I mean, I can't figure it out. Well, clearly it's a blind spot then. And so this quiz will support people there. Um, there's a lot of other resources like my YouTube channel.
[00:56:31] Allana Pratt: Intimate conversations, my podcast, uh, yeah, just a plethora of ways, even just getting on my newsletter list, um, because I share videos there that don't go out on YouTube or anywhere. Really the vulnerable behind the scenes of this journey that, uh, I love to share with my community. So lots of ways that people can, can play.
[00:56:51] And then if something really resonates with, wow, I want to learn more about this journey, uh, alannapratt. com forward slash connect is how people can book. And it's called an intimacy breakthrough experience call with me personally. And we can explore if these journeys are right for you. I love that. I might just be the next person booking one of those calls just to put that in your ethers.
[00:57:13] Erika Straub (2): Oh my god, I have shivers. I would be honored beyond measure to walk with you. Yeah, touch down here. So yes, putting that in your peripheral that that might be coming through. I would love to see you in my calendar and and connect again because there's Yeah, that all the work that we've done is not for just us.
[00:57:35] Allana Pratt: We're here to pay it forward from the overflow. And so it would be an honor, hon. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. You're such a delight. You are too. This was truly like. I just feel so fulfilled, um, after this conversation, and I honor you so deeply for the work that you've done and being such a leader in this space and the courage it's taken.
[00:57:57] Erika Straub (2): And thank you. You can feel the, like, the power and the humbleness. Like, it just, it radiates from you. So thank you for, for being here and sharing. Oh, thank you. Give you a big hug.
[00:58:12] Well, I will definitely be talking to you soon and thank you so much. All my love to you and to all you watching. Bye bye. Oh, I love it.
[00:58:23] If this podcast feels in resonance with you, I would be so grateful for 30 seconds of your time to follow or subscribe to the Return to You podcast to leave a five star rating and review and to share this episode with someone you love who's on the journey home to themselves too. Thank you so much for being here.
[00:58:44] I see you.