The Heroes Journey Home with Sam Gibbs Morris
“ Shame is the fear that the world will see me like I see me. As long as you see yourself as shameful and broken and less than and not enough or too much, you will hide yourself from the world and your receptivity will remain blocked on all levels. ”
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Sam Gibbs Morris
In this episode
Sam shares his hero’s journey from drugs and alcohol to sobriety, plant medicine, and spirituality and how his upbringing didn’t look like most on the self war path.
This is a story of profound soul retrieval. We walk through the valley of shame and destruction, perks of victmhood, and what’s beyond AA and the therapy couch.
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or on your favorite podcast platform. Favorite quotes and a full transcript of this podcast can be found below.
About Sam Gibbs Morris
Sam Gibbs Morris is a leader at the intersection of men’s work, psychedelics, yogic leadership, and spirituality. He is a speaker, spiritual teacher, psychedelic medicine and breathwork facilitator, and a men's conscious relationship coach, He is also the founder of Transcnd Breathwork. Sam has aligned his purpose with his innate gifts; creating safe and nurturing space for men to heal and expand their conscious masculine awareness. Sam has worked with over 2,000 men to guide them home to their core and reconnect with their self-worth, cultivate self-trust, and truly become an unwavering presence in their lives and their relationships.
How To Connect With Sam
Sam's Website
Free Breathwork
Waitlist for Sam's 3-day challenge
1-1 coaching with Sam
Private 4-day Psychedelic Retreats named Transcnd Immersions
Stay tuned for Sam's 'Coming Höm Men's Retreats' launching in 2024
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Favorite Quotes from the Podcast
“Shame is the fear that the world will see me like I see me. And so as long as you see yourself as shameful and broken and less than and not enough or too much, whatever it is, as long as you see yourself like that, you will hide yourself from the world and your receptivity will remain blocked on all levels. ” - Sam Gibbs Morris
“There's a payoff to being in survival mode. One is obviously survival, but the other is being able to remain in a deep victim state.” - Sam Gibbs Morris
Transcript of the Podcast
What a profound conversation, one of those that will keep you connected someone for a lifetime. I'm so excited to introduce you to Sam Gibbs Morris. He's a leader at the intersection of men's work, psychedelics, yogic leadership, and spirituality. He is a speaker, spiritual teacher, psychedelic medicine and breathwork facilitator, and a men's conscious relationship coach.
He is the founder of Transcend Breathwork. Sam has aligned his purpose with his innate gifts, creating safe and nurturing space for men to heal and expand their conscious masculine awareness. Sam has worked with over 2000 men to guide them home to their core and reconnect with their self worth, cultivate self trust and truly become an unwavering presence in their lives and their relationships.
Let's drop in.
[00:01:24] ERIKA STRAUB: I would just, I would love to know, like, what brought you onto the path? Like, what was the short way?
[00:01:32] SAM GIBBS: Oh, that's a great question. And Thank you so much for reaching out and, and, and offering this and creating the space for this, because I feel like these conversations like me and anyone else that you're going to be having them with are so going to be so impactful.
[00:01:46] SAM GIBBS: So really, really honoring you for the work that you've done to be able to create a space like this. I know you've talked about the initiation that it is and, um, honor you for that, for walking into the initiation and leaning in. So thank you.
[00:01:59] ERIKA STRAUB: Thank you.
[00:02:00] SAM GIBBS: Yeah, you're welcome. Um, so what was the doorway? I mean, it could, I could say birth was it, um, there, it's been, there's been some karmic things happening.
[00:02:13] SAM GIBBS: Um, I'm getting emotional already. Um, some karmic lessons and soul contract stuff that started happening right away with breath mostly. Um, you know, I, I had a few things happening as a child that were not happened, but experiences that were, uh, They compromised my breath a lot. So one was asthma, severe asthma.
[00:02:37] SAM GIBBS: Um, my umbilical cord was wrapped around my head when I was born. Uh, I had food allergies. And I had a tendency to choke on my food a lot. So I had the Heimlich Maneuver done on me probably six or seven times from zero to fifteen years old. And so all this was, you know, these are like throat things and lung things and breath things and so You know, I've been doing breathwork since I was five years old, and I didn't recognize it until about two years ago when I actually started doing breathwork, like facilitating.
[00:03:06] SAM GIBBS: It's like, I've been doing this for a really long time because the doctors would give me these exercises. For asthma, they breathe like a snake or, um, you know, personal breathing, like these things that would really, what they're designed to do is regulate your nervous system. And so I I've been doing this for a very long time.
[00:03:22] SAM GIBBS: And then, um, throughout my life, I had these, Other little gateways that would, that were just kind of direct to me on the path. And, um, I fully stepped onto the like, quote, unquote, spiritual or conscious path when I was 35. Um, and I, I got into some, uh, some like landmark type stuff with, uh, it wasn't landmark, but it was something like it.
[00:03:45] SAM GIBBS: And it was, you know, the feedback I got there was you're, you're walking dead. Like you're literally just a dead man walking through the world, like completely numb, completely closed off, completely shut down. And it was true. Um, I was also in that period in the middle of, uh, 15 years of pretty, pretty deep alcohol and drug addiction.
[00:04:02] SAM GIBBS: And that started when I was 23. Um, and it went until I was 38. And then that 38 years old is when this massive portal opened up. Um, I was sitting by myself at my kitchen table, um, 4 a. m. in the morning, Charlotte, North Carolina, all my, you know, quote unquote friends, aka drug dealers, had just left, and I was sitting there and, you know, I had everything that I thought I needed, like a pile of cocaine and a bottle of rum and all this stuff, and all of a sudden, this thing, this something came over me that said, you're done.
[00:04:37] SAM GIBBS: This is over. And, uh, from that moment, I just made these decisions to, um, communicate better and, like, heal myself and I, the one thing that kept me, so I've been in that kind of loop of starting and stopping alcohol and drugs for since age 33, so five years, and this time is different because all the other times was, you know, I know I kind of know I need to stop like it probably would be good if I stopped And life without it is way too scary.
[00:05:07] SAM GIBBS: So i'm not gonna stop i'm gonna i'm gonna try and figure out a way that I can do this life with the drugs and the alcohol because You know, safety net things. And this time was like, clear that like, I am scared out of my pants and I know that this, whatever's happening right here, absolutely cannot go on.
[00:05:26] SAM GIBBS: And, and I committed and, um, spent the next year basically in rehab, sober living. I moved all the way across the country, started everything new. Uh, it was, I was a commercial real estate broker at the time and I, I left that behind and, um, stepped into like a lot. It was AA for six years. And then, uh, after AA, it got into, uh, The plant medicine path and stepping onto that and, and that, like the, the past, so it's been 11 years, the past 11 years have been just a constant upward trajectory.
[00:05:58] SAM GIBBS: Of course, not without lessons, of course, but, um, you know, that the six years in AA was like this, this amazing starting point that I, that I needed. Cause it showed me, it showed me really where to look. I was looking at, I was looking at things, um, but I was also not really looking in the right places. I was looking at the.
[00:06:17] SAM GIBBS: The external human experience of like broken relationships and failed jobs and no money in the bank and, um, heartbreak. But I wasn't looking inward. I wasn't really, really looking inward. Like I was, I was looking inward in the sense that like I don't like having this experience, but I wasn't looking at You know, one of the things that, that moment when I got into AA showed me was that, you know, when you get into a, a room of recovery or aa, whatever it is, there's some stories that kind of percolate.
[00:06:47] SAM GIBBS: They're, they're kind of the through lines. One, a lot of like, uh, verbal, sexual, physical abuse, violence, alcoholic homes, broken homes, and like, those are the stories you hear a lot of. And I'm sitting there in the rooms and I'm like, I don't have any of that. Like, what, what am, what am I? And it forced me to say, okay, I don't have any of that.
[00:07:06] SAM GIBBS: And I'm still sitting in this chair. I still did everything that I could. I got arrested 20 plus times. I, I committed suicide, tried to commit suicide in 2009, went to rehab six times. Um, I can't hold a job. I can't have a relationship. All the, all the markers are there and I'm confused as to why I'm there.
[00:07:23] SAM GIBBS: And so it forced me to say like, okay, like, let's look back at, you know, my childhood. Um, all the things I told you are kind of new revelations for me. And like, when I knew, I mean, Past 11 years, because if you would ask me prior to that, I was aware that I had asthma and food allergies, but I was also really aware that like, there was a loving home and we didn't really want for much and there was trips and I was playing tennis and golf every summer and skiing every winter.
[00:07:49] SAM GIBBS: And, um, just, I would have said things were really good. And I was also having an experience of a very. Lots of little CPSD moments throughout the first 15 or 16 years of my life. And that's what that, that's what this looking inward and seeing what was really there showed me, and it, it showed me so much, um, as far as, you know, like, okay, so I know that I have these depressive tendencies and what's fueling that what's fueling that because these patterns will, and this is why I left AA is that these things that I was, that I handled were off the bat, the things I knew about social anxiety.
[00:08:28] SAM GIBBS: Uh, generalized anxiety, depression, like these things that I knew about. And then, so, about three years, five years, all these things came back. And I'm like, wait a second, I'm five years sober. Like, this is supposed to be smooth sailing now. And it wasn't. And so, that's when I said, okay, there's something else beyond.
[00:08:44] SAM GIBBS: Now it's like, okay, AA gave me this great start. But now it's, there's something beyond this that I need to look at. And so, that's when, um, I got on the plant medicine path. And that's pretty much what led me to. Where we are right now.
[00:08:57] ERIKA STRAUB: Yeah. What a, what a empowering and, and. Deep devastating story in all, you know, in all the ways.
[00:09:05] ERIKA STRAUB: And as you were sharing the, the beginning, which I think sometimes our work takes us so long to get back to that actual beginning, like there's layers to take it back that far. I can't help, but feel this like deep resonance and desire to share how I think my relationship with myself was also formed with distortion with breath and how like rare that is.
[00:09:34] ERIKA STRAUB: I haven't, you know, heard someone share that that was like a big part of their beginning to like, I did this, um, past life regression meditation that took me back into my mom's womb. And what I found there was that I was existing in so much smoke and she's a lifelong smoker. And it's just this deep knowing that And that was the environment that like, I was formed in and, and just, you know, breath being something that's our life force, right.
[00:10:08] ERIKA STRAUB: But then being so afraid of it and so afraid that I'm not going to get the next breath. Like that was. My first 20 to 30 years of life is like this fear of like, is the next breath going to come? And what do I do to try to make sure that it does come? Um, and even I think about breath. Um, when my dad passed away, I was sitting with him when he passed, he was in hospice, but being with him and listening to what it sounds like when breath leaves your body.
[00:10:42] ERIKA STRAUB: Want to lose their body. This is going to make me emotional. Um, I'm like buzzing And just the sound of that, like I can go right back to that moment. And it was a week later, I started having panic attacks where I couldn't breathe. I just, your story about breath and like, like what it's like to like, not Be in synergy with our own breath.
[00:11:12] ERIKA STRAUB: Yeah. Could we ever have a chance? Like, how could we ever, you know, do life and open and be receptive if like our own breath, like we couldn't receive.
[00:11:24] SAM GIBBS: It's the ultimate survival mode. Like you're just 20, 30 years for yourself in survival mode and talk about a scarcity conversation. Like we can talk about scarcity of money and whatever else all we want.
[00:11:34] SAM GIBBS: But when you're talking about scarcity of breath, that's some real, real talk.
[00:11:39] ERIKA STRAUB: Yeah. Yeah. That's some deep, terrifying,
[00:11:44] SAM GIBBS: terrifying, when
[00:11:45] ERIKA STRAUB: you're
[00:11:46] SAM GIBBS: having
[00:11:46] ERIKA STRAUB: an
[00:11:47] SAM GIBBS: asthma attack and you're like each inhale is questionable. It is harrowing.
[00:11:56] ERIKA STRAUB: I think that's an experience that like not a lot of people can relate to. Like yeah, of those moments, like are so traumatic and transformative at the same time.
[00:12:10] ERIKA STRAUB: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:12:11] SAM GIBBS: 100 percent like you I mean you talk about like they're essentially it's essentially a near death experience and you talk about like these people that have had near death experiences how they are just a fundamentally different human being because of those experiences. And not to say that other human beings are not evolved or bad it's just that someone that is like pretty much legitimately look death in the face and had that had their mortality questioned.
[00:12:34] SAM GIBBS: There is no way that you can come back to a human experience and for it to be the same. It's just impossible.
[00:12:40] ERIKA STRAUB: Yeah, it truly is. Like, you're forever, forever changed, but coming out of the survivalism of that. What was, what was that like for you to like truly come out of the survivalism?
[00:12:53] SAM GIBBS: Yeah, well, so the thing about survivalism is There's a payoff.
[00:12:58] SAM GIBBS: There's a payoff to being in survival mode. One is, I mean, obviously survival, but there's a, there's on the other sides of that. There's a survival mode is a deep victim state. It's a deep, uh, it's a deep, um, worthiness conversation because when you're so busy surviving and like, for me having, like, I, like I said, there was no shortage of love in the house.
[00:13:18] SAM GIBBS: And I noticed also on a, like a subconscious level, Oh, when I'm having an asthma attack, I get more attention. When I'm having a, when I'm choking on my food, three people are all of a sudden rushing around me and then I'm, everyone's asking if I'm okay for the next three days. Like, and then so, okay, so my body, my, my nervous system now recognizes like, okay, love is good, but like, I know when I'm struggling, like, there's a little more.
[00:13:42] SAM GIBBS: And so, survival mode is the ultimate struggle. If you're always in survival mode, it's like, and so what happens is that I would create reasons to be, addiction was a reason to be in survival mode because leading up to the addiction, one could say that my life was really, I just bought a house. I got divorced, but I was married.
[00:14:00] SAM GIBBS: I had a pretty good job, like, and then all of a sudden, just all hell broke loose. And it was because my nervous system was not okay with being okay. My nervous system was okay with struggle and survival mode. And so, basically for the next I mean, probably I would say six years, seven years into, um, the sobriety part of the addiction, like, and like being removed six or seven or eight years from that drink.
[00:14:25] SAM GIBBS: It was still there, like I was still creating survival mechanisms. A lot of it, it turned to money, it turned to relationships, it turned to. Um, any number of things career and when the work is in the nervous system, the work is, is the breath. It is the somatic releasing. It's the wide. It's the holding of what the body, the body keeps the score, what the holding on to that keeps manifesting these survival, um, situations.
[00:14:54] SAM GIBBS: Because, you know, recognizing where the, where the worth really comes from. So my worth actually in survival mode, which I thought for so long, which I could, I could sit here and tell you right now, survival mode is terrible. And it's all around me. So it's like, how terrible do I really think it is? If it's, if it's all around me all the time.
[00:15:15] SAM GIBBS: And so that then turns into like, this is my value problems because it was really the, then you get the, you understand the attention and people are coming to your rescue and people are giving you. Sympathy. And so this is, this is like, Oh, this feels valuable. This feels like I'm bringing value to the world.
[00:15:31] SAM GIBBS: In reality, it's more of a liability because you're like constantly on edge of complete failure and complete shutdown. And, and so recognizing for me, it was doing that somatic work to release. That a lot of that asthmatic stuff and like a lot of shame shame was fueling so much of my life all through the addiction and then You know, no one talks about this like everyone's oh when you get out of alcoholism addiction It's the drugs and alcohol healing The real healing is the shame that comes with the years spent in addiction, you know, and so and a lot of times like the addict or the person that's not in the addiction anymore can't break free from that because they feel so badly about how they harmed everyone else.
[00:16:14] SAM GIBBS: And so for me, I held on to this shame and guilt for my addiction for nine years. Um, it was like two years ago and it finally came to the surface of how deep this was and how to release this. And so releasing that from my body and then recognizing like, okay, that it's actually, it's actually better. And this is like a very like, you know, language thing.
[00:16:35] SAM GIBBS: Like I'm actually, it's actually better for me to be, uh, an asset and valuable and spacious and have capacity and be safe and grounded than it is to be a complete, uh, survival mode addict, essentially.
[00:16:49] ERIKA STRAUB: I'm, I'm so curious, like your experience around release, like that really jumps out to me because I, I just, and, and this probably also some of my own projections, but how shame, you know, really plays into our capacity or unwillingness to release.
[00:17:09] ERIKA STRAUB: And so I'm curious what comes up for you around, around that.
[00:17:13] SAM GIBBS: So, yeah, well, um, what came up for me? So, um, the first time I got really intimate with my shame, um, you know, I, when you're in shame, it's kind of, it's kind of one of those situations where it's so cool. Much that you almost don't see it. It's kind of, there's, there's a scene in Indiana Jones, I think, when he's looking for an X, like X marks the spot on a treasure map, but he's on the floor of the library and he can't, he's like, I don't know where it is.
[00:17:43] SAM GIBBS: And then his, his buddy goes up to the ledge and looks down and he's actually standing in the middle of the X shame is like that X. Until you can like remove yourself from it and look at it, it's going to, you, you can't see it because it's too much. And so, um, in 2021, I went down to Peru and sat with ayahuasca for three weeks.
[00:18:02] SAM GIBBS: And, um, it was pretty, it was really, really clear that shame had fueled my friendships with other men, my relationships. And it was all about, I am feeling so shameful of myself. I will do anything and everything that I possibly can. Um, To one, put you on a pedestal and two, to get you to like me. So people pleasing, um, saying I love you when I don't really mean it.
[00:18:24] SAM GIBBS: Um, selling myself out, saying no when I should say, like it, the list goes, like we all, the people pleasing thing. We can go on forever about that, but it was just this. Everything about me, even my career, everything about how I showed up was please just like me. Just please make this, make this feeling that I have inside of me stop by saying I love you to me or by saying, yeah, come over to my house to watch the game.
[00:18:48] SAM GIBBS: Like just anything, crumb, breadcrumbs. And so that's what started to show me there and then I kept asking I said what else is there like how deep does this go, and then I was good showed me that in 2009. I, this is why I tried to commit suicide, I jumped off the second story of a bar. Because I was so full and riddled with shame that I just felt there was no other outlet for it.
[00:19:11] SAM GIBBS: And so that moment in 2021, when I got shown that depth of my shame, um, back to a very physical experience. I had cancer in my mouth twice, 2009 and 2011. So right around that time that I jumped off the balcony, was my first experience with oral cancer. Same, same like, Within two months of each other within 60 days of each other.
[00:19:32] SAM GIBBS: And then, yeah, and then, um, 2021 I went down to Peru and sat in Ayahuasca showed me this, all this shame and how it was in my life. All of a sudden that spot where the cancer was started to change and shift. It's got a little rougher, and then, you know, Um, about a year later, maybe like 18 months later, I went to Burning Man, and I left Burning Man, and that spot was full on, like, open wound in my mouth, like, and so I, and so I said, and the doctors had cleared me, 2011, 2018, the doctors had cleared me, said, you know, unless something drastic happens, No need to come back.
[00:20:08] SAM GIBBS: And so, um, now it's 2022 and it's November and it's something drastic as having, like, I can't open my mouth without pain. I can't eat without pain. Like every time I brush my teeth, it's just, it's like that pinky blood stuff. And so I go to, I went to see two doctors, November 1st and November 4th. And they both, one was a naturopath.
[00:20:27] SAM GIBBS: One was an ENT and they both looked at it and said, your cancer's back. Um, we have to get a biopsy done immediately. And so I, uh, Immediately meant like within six weeks or so. And so I had a trip to plan to Costa Rica to go serve my medicine and to sit with ayahuasca again. And so now I'm going to Costa Rica.
[00:20:46] SAM GIBBS: And so they said to me, the doctors were like, yeah, when you do the biopsy, determine what stage it is. And, you know, what, what level of chemo radiation and immediately my brain went, no, that's not how this is going to go. And so, uh, I had this trip plan to Costa Rica. And so I said, well, this is part of my path.
[00:21:05] SAM GIBBS: Like I was, I was ready. I was ready to go to Mexico and go to some, some like off grid retreats down there and like do the whole holistic thing. And, um, so I went down to Costa Rica, South Ayahuasca and the last night I, I just got this download that said, uh, go where you've never gone. And so I just drank, I drank four cups of ayahuasca and the last four hours of that night were the most brutal I've ever experienced.
[00:21:31] SAM GIBBS: And it was, uh, it was the purging of that shame. All of it was just coming out, being shown and just like, just all of it was there. And, uh, I kept, it got to the point about four hours in and maybe four hours, but it got to the point where I was like, I said to myself, I was like, God damn it. Just fucking stop.
[00:21:51] SAM GIBBS: Just stop this. And immediately within seconds. I said, you know what? No, it's God. Thank you. I started saying, I started saying God, thank you. And it all stopped. All of it left. And then I, uh, I came back and got the biopsy done. Um, the week after that, and the cancer was gone. And so that was the release.
[00:22:16] SAM GIBBS: That was the, the, cause I knew it wasn't physical. I knew it was like spiritual, emotional, mental body stuff. And I, and I just allowed, I looked in and I allowed it to just come through and purged it.
[00:22:31] ERIKA STRAUB: Oh, gosh. Shame really is like, it takes you to your knees, the, the level of like, dust and repulsion and just the felt sense of shame. I don't think there's really even a word big enough to, to, and it is this feeling of like, it just wants to get out, just wants to get fucking out. And. It's so, it's so big and scary.
[00:23:04] ERIKA STRAUB: We find all the ways to not let it out. Yeah, create more of it. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, I haven't had something quite as significant as cancer showing up in my body, but I certainly like my shame. I carried so deeply in my sacral to the point where Like in my, I would say all of my life up until I, you know, started the work, I couldn't even put my hands on my own body there because it was so like dense and like alive.
[00:23:37] ERIKA STRAUB: And like, it was truly insane. Like couldn't even bring my hands to that part of my body, which now it's like, that's where my hands immediately go to like, you know, to like drop in and like be back and hips and like all of that. Um, but it manifested there and turned into this just awful, um, like Crohn's and ulcerative colitis and all these, you know, different diagnoses that they had given me and like experiencing so much like internal bleeding and like sicker than a dog, right?
[00:24:10] ERIKA STRAUB: And I was that sick for over a year. over a year. I didn't tell a single soul. Oh, that's the power of shame. Yeah. Like literally internally bleeding and didn't tell a single soul just going on. Like I was totally fine. And I'm like, that level of shame and that level of denial, like that's, that's an intensity that like my body was, you know, it was dying to keep this secret.
[00:24:39] ERIKA STRAUB: Yeah. But then once it, you know, came to light and, you know, someone had to take me to, you know, get help because I was in too much shame to even ask for it. And all the doctors same, it was like so much medication and all of this and all of this. And like, internally, I was like, I don't have this thing that you think I have.
[00:25:01] ERIKA STRAUB: And they're like, every test we've run, you have, it's a lifelong sentence and you're fucked. Yeah, I was like, No, just no. And, um, it was kind of around the same time the panic attacks started. So I was, you know, really on my knees and I was like this. This is not mine. Like I just became so clear. It's not mine.
[00:25:24] ERIKA STRAUB: And now, you know, 10, 15 years later, I have zero anything and none of it was through medication, but all of it was through this work, like really learning how to release. Like letting people see like who I truly am, even when there's shame there, because I don't think it necessarily totally goes away, but I think we can purge and release so much of it.
[00:25:49] ERIKA STRAUB: So it's not manifesting in our field or as protectors, or we're no longer blocked from like the life cycle of like sensation feeling expression.
[00:25:59] SAM GIBBS: That's it right there. Cause like you, you were caught in that stuck, that stuck energy that Michael Singer calls it. Samskara. Like you had a massive samskara in your sacral and now you're right like the shame like that's something we get to carry with us and you learn through this work like you just talked about this life cycle of it like oh I see okay I see it how do you want to be expressed how do you want to come through which version needs love like all the things that we get to do and it just flows through you and it flows through you and that becomes you The power, the energetic power.
[00:26:32] ERIKA STRAUB: Yeah, it totally, it alchemizes and it becomes this thing that like connects you to someone more so than this thing that means I'm so separate and isolate and I better, you know, be in secrecy. Uh, purgatory because of, because of things that have happened in my life that weren't even my fault.
[00:26:52] SAM GIBBS: Right, or, or past life, or like stuff that didn't even happen in my life.
[00:26:56] SAM GIBBS: Like stuff I just epigenetically carried into this with me.
[00:27:00] ERIKA STRAUB: Yeah. And I think, and I'm, I'm curious what you think about this, but shame and being able to receive, I feel like there's a huge . Oh my gosh. Curious what you think. .
[00:27:13] SAM GIBBS: I mean, short answer, yes. ,
[00:27:15] ERIKA STRAUB: the long one.
[00:27:17] SAM GIBBS: I'll give you the long one. I'll give you the long one.
[00:27:18] SAM GIBBS: Um, shame. Shame doesn't mean that I'm ashamed, like I. I'm ashamed of something I did. Shame means that I am a broken bad person. So a lot of times, like we talked about shame or to give it some context, shame or guilt, like guilt is I did something bad. Shame is I am bad. So if you're bad, that means like you're physically bad, you're emotionally bad.
[00:27:40] SAM GIBBS: It means that your emotions don't matter. It means that no one else, no one could ever hold space for you, aka receive. No one could ever like intimacy is out the window because you know, You want someone to see you naked or because you know, you're you're so so fear of failure that you're going to get rejected Like it literally blocks you from all forms of if you're shameful The money's not going to come in because you haven't you know, because money Essentially is an expansion.
[00:28:05] SAM GIBBS: It's a, it's an expansive energy that when we, when you're shameful, the last thing you want when you're overcome with shame is to be seen or to be expanded because that means, oh, that means what I expand my shame also expands and that gets bigger. And then people, the biggest thing that, oh my God, this is so good.
[00:28:23] SAM GIBBS: The biggest thing that I was told is that shame. This is how shame operates. Shame is the fear that the world will see me like I see me.
[00:28:32] ERIKA STRAUB: And
[00:28:32] SAM GIBBS: so as long as you see yourself as shameful and broken and less than and not enough or too much, whatever it is, as long as you see yourself like that, you will hide yourself from the world and you will never, the receiving will be completely blocked on all levels.
[00:28:47] ERIKA STRAUB: I so feel that and if you are in so much shame, and I think especially when it's unconscious, All you see in someone else's eyes as they're looking at you is your own shame, right? So like I can't make eye contact with anyone that not just like physically but like metaphorically like I can't meet you there because what you are going to show me is the void in me and I can't see that.
[00:29:11] ERIKA STRAUB: I can't be with that. I can't witness that. It's too much.
[00:29:15] SAM GIBBS: And I'll run, I'll run away from you in a heartbeat. I, in my last relationship, this is how it all broke down is because I was in that, in the moments I felt so much shame. I didn't, I saw it after the fact, but I literally was like, I gotta go. Like, this is too much.
[00:29:29] ERIKA STRAUB: Yeah. Yeah. And then it plays
[00:29:32] SAM GIBBS: in like relationship, sorry, one more thought,
[00:29:35] ERIKA STRAUB: relationship,
[00:29:35] SAM GIBBS: it plays as in like, okay, so I'm masculine or whatever the one carrying the shame is, I'm shameful. So I'm going to pull back and run away. And then you, the other person, all you want to do is love me, but I'm unlovable.
[00:29:48] SAM GIBBS: And so you're going to feel rejected because I haven't communicated this is what's going on in me. So there's, It's, I'm going to be shameful and run away and you're going to feel rejected and abandoned. And now we're in this death cycle of a love relationship.
[00:30:02] ERIKA STRAUB: It is a death cycle and I'm glad you said that first because you totally just like we're picking up on, we're sharing a wavelength here because that's exactly what I was like feeling into.
[00:30:12] ERIKA STRAUB: It's like, yeah, When that shows up in the relational field and we use the contents of like the man or the masculine pulling away and what that does to the feminine energy. When feminine and I'll speak just for myself, actually, when, when I'm in shame and someone pulls away, it's like that level of rejection and that level of abandonment.
[00:30:33] ERIKA STRAUB: It either inspires that chasing energy. Oh no, we froze. Are you there? Are you there? I'm here. I can't see you. Are you frozen?
[00:30:52] SAM GIBBS: What about now?
[00:30:54] ERIKA STRAUB: You're coming back. Okay, you're back.
[00:30:57] SAM GIBBS: Okay, I'm back.
[00:30:59] ERIKA STRAUB: I don't know if I know how to edit that out, so.
[00:31:02] SAM GIBBS: Oh, well.
[00:31:02] ERIKA STRAUB: Welcome to everyone.
[00:31:04] SAM GIBBS: Welcome to real life.
[00:31:07] ERIKA STRAUB: Um, no, so like, if I'm in so much shame and my partner pulls away, what that provokes in me is to start matching their energy. Okay. I'm realizing that the more shame work that I do, which means I can receive myself and receive everything I'm feeling.
[00:31:27] ERIKA STRAUB: I don't have to match you anymore. I can stand, I can stand in the flames of intimacy. I can stand in that intimate circle while you have to move in your shame, but I'm going to stand here. I'm not leaning out and I'm not leaning back. I'm just here in my center. That kind of work has been some of the most profound work for me and it doesn't mean the partnerships have worked out because not everyone can meet me there.
[00:31:53] ERIKA STRAUB: Yes, like that's that can be way too much for someone, but learning how to like break apart this matching. I think is one of the most like profound lessons, I'm definitely currently in and still learning about shame in like relational dynamics.
[00:32:10] SAM GIBBS: Yeah, that's beautiful. Um, when you talk about the matching, I think that's where A lot of times like relationships will turn, have like this dark turn because it's essentially um, one of the other is matching that lower vibration and then you're both just stuck at the lower vibration
[00:32:27] ERIKA STRAUB: and then
[00:32:27] SAM GIBBS: it's like, okay, so yeah, like there's, there's a lot to be said for like you, like you standing there and being in that is meeting your partner in the depths of his shame.
[00:32:37] SAM GIBBS: And if you go there and you meet him and he's there and he's like, no, I'm still not into it. Like there's not much else you can do. Then it's about, okay, I have to, I'm going to call my energy back now. And, and be over here and, and you don't have to leave, but just know that like I've gone as far as I can with you.
[00:32:53] SAM GIBBS: And so, when you can recognize that's where we talk, that's like that's real space holding. So, like going down and like it's in being in shame, being both people being shameful that's, I think that gets called space holding a lot, but it's not the space holding is like, listen, I am, I am in my full sovereignty and power and I'm.
[00:33:12] SAM GIBBS: I'm going to go there with you, and I will only go as far as is safe for me to go, and then it's on you, and I will go really far in there with you, and I'll speak for myself now, like, I can go into some really, really dark places, and I can, you know, be there with somebody, and there comes a point when I have to say, I've done all I can here.
[00:33:34] SAM GIBBS: Like I need to go back and I'm going to stand, I'm going to stand watch at the cave door, but I'm not going to be in this cave with you anymore.
[00:33:40] ERIKA STRAUB: Yeah. How do we like find those limits? Like, how have you been able to kind of discover like those edges?
[00:33:48] SAM GIBBS: Yeah. Trial and error.
[00:33:53] SAM GIBBS: The error is the great teacher. Um, you know, it's, it's, it's trial and error, but it's also really, um, It's, of course, I was joking, but still, it's not like the right way to say it, but it is the kind of the energy of it is like, I'm going to go in and I'm going to see what's there. And I'm going to figure it out, and I'm going to stumble and fall on my face and run away sometimes and the thing is, is like what point.
[00:34:20] SAM GIBBS: Do I recalibrate myself to center and learn to not look away? So the moment that I start feeling the urge, so I used to be a big looker aware, you know, like, Oh, the running, looking away, same thing. Now it's about like, okay, I feel myself. I feel this urge to look away. I really want to look away. So now it is, I will pause and double my efforts on the looking.
[00:34:43] SAM GIBBS: And then. Understand that that might be the edge for me that might be it that might be my max for that day, or that time period and then I get to say, do I want to stay here and be in this, or do I need to pull back a little bit. And so like, and so instead of going all the way into like the, the error the trial and the error and falling on the face.
[00:35:01] SAM GIBBS: It is like, how do I go far enough that I'm moving and I'm, I'm leaning in and also not being destructive?
[00:35:10] ERIKA STRAUB: Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's so edgy. It's so edgy. And I think like that edge expands, right? Every time we lean in a little bit more, like sit in that fire that comes up, it's, it's such a fire in my body. Um, I think what's been the most helpful that at least like in my makeup is having the felt sense in my body, like being in my body and like the somatic knowing of these edges.
[00:35:40] ERIKA STRAUB: And for me, it's always been about anxiety and maybe it's not even like that word doesn't even feel quite right anymore, but I think that's just the most relatable word to describe it. But there's a level of anxiety that shows up in my system, like a level of chaos that I'm like, This is self abandonment.
[00:36:01] ERIKA STRAUB: I've entered that space. I know I'm pretty clear, you know, like where I'm at, like, where do I end and you begin, but the second I get into that self abandonment space, the chaos that ensues. And the fire and the shit show that starts in my body, I'm like, we're not in self anymore. Self is, where is self?
[00:36:23] ERIKA STRAUB: Like self is being outsourced. Now I'm not receiving what's here anymore. I'm just trying to get something.
[00:36:31] SAM GIBBS: Safety.
[00:36:32] ERIKA STRAUB: Yeah. Yeah. I'm
[00:36:33] SAM GIBBS: just, I'm just reaching and clawing and scratching for safety at that point. Yeah.
[00:36:36] ERIKA STRAUB: Yeah.
[00:36:37] SAM GIBBS: Yeah. I think anxiety is, is a great one. 'cause that's, you know, anxiety, that is the nervous system essentially freaking out, like too overloaded.
[00:36:45] SAM GIBBS: Yeah. You know, and for me it looks a lot like nausea. Like I'll, I'll get like, I'll just feel like nausea or like the appetite kind of goes away. Like, oh, like that, just that pit in the stomach is the, is the various felt sense of that. And then there's also. Um, like a kind of like a dropping of energy, like it's like feeling really good feeling really strong and then all of a sudden just like.
[00:37:10] SAM GIBBS: Maybe the heart skips a beat or the stomach takes a turn. And you're like, well, like everything, everything just kind of dropped. And like, when I get to that, when I noticed that point, that's when I get to say, okay, Ooh, what's going on here? Like what happened? Cause I can see like the things and then like, I'm very aware of the actual things going around me.
[00:37:27] SAM GIBBS: And where did that send me internally? Like, what did that do for me? Like who, what version of me or what emotion did that trigger inside of me? It is checking me out, like removing me from self, removing me from that presence.
[00:37:42] ERIKA STRAUB: You said this a while back, but I feel like it's Really relevant to what you just said when we numb out, right?
[00:37:50] ERIKA STRAUB: Like, which I think is a brilliant survival strategy and needed in moments until we have capacity. But when we numb out, we essentially turn off all this information that our body is trying to give us. And that's where I think we, we fall into all that trial and error, right? It's like when we numb this stuff out or it's like, Just make me feel better to make me not feel this.
[00:38:15] ERIKA STRAUB: We're turning off all of this, like messaging our body is trying to give us.
[00:38:20] SAM GIBBS: Yeah, I totally agree. And, um, there's so much like and there's so much there's like every part of the human wants to be like, let's get through this as fast as possible, whether it's heartbreak or even like a momentary like anxiety about work thing.
[00:38:37] SAM GIBBS: It's like what do we get to do to move through as fast as possible. Conflict in relationship, like how do we get to the solution, like, let the conflict breathe, let that moment breathe inside of you. And yeah, like you said numbing out, I mean I think that it's probably saved a lot of lives. And there gets to be the point that you get to honor that point when it's like okay, I've been numbing out.
[00:38:58] SAM GIBBS: Watching Netflix or whatever for a month straight, you know, it's it's maybe it's time to kind of like start to like not do that.
[00:39:05] ERIKA STRAUB: Yeah,
[00:39:06] SAM GIBBS: like taking sleeping pills, whatever it is, like, whatever that the mechanism is, there comes a point when you when you have to say like, okay, this is not serving me anymore.
[00:39:14] SAM GIBBS: It's actually. Bringing me backwards because I'm now it's very comfortable, but I'm also missing a lot. And I think that when you get to the point where you actually, even the awareness of the recognition that, okay, I think that this needs to change that right there could be enough for a little bit. And then it's like, okay, how do I now like expand that a little further?
[00:39:33] SAM GIBBS: Because really these experiences that we're talking about, whether the micro or the macro of life. Our expansion opportunities, you know, like I'm walking through a really awful heartbirth painful heartbreak right now. And I know I know I talked about this my men's group this morning I talked about like, I know that there's just so much evidence that this expansion is happening in my life that I'm like, and what I know now is that it gets to be both.
[00:40:02] SAM GIBBS: Like, just because we're having an uncomfortable thing, and we want to make up that it's a life sentence, like this forever, that's why we numb out, because like, oh, it's gonna be like this forever? Better make plans, you know, better make alternate plans, whereas like, when we, when I can say like, I'm having two simultaneous experiences here, that's when the numbing out kind of stops, because you're like, okay, so if I'm having this expansive experience, and also this painful experience, Let me lean into the expansion and that's, and then recognizing that the numbing out is only choking out the expansion.
[00:40:31] SAM GIBBS: It's not choking out the pain. It's, it's covering the pain, but it's really hampering the expansion part. And if I want more expansion, cause that's what nature is, is more trees, more squirrels, more nuts, more all of it. Humans, more, more human. That's the, that's when the recognition, the numbing out is taking away from that.
[00:40:49] ERIKA STRAUB: Yeah. Yeah. I think when we can come to terms to that, we're not as likely to keep numbing the pain 100 percent hold that nuance that, yeah, this fucking sucks. It's so uncomfortable. Absolutely. And give me more because this is leading to our greatest potential to more expansion, to deeper love, to deeper intimacy, but what it takes to get to the point to actually say, give me more.
[00:41:19] ERIKA STRAUB: Yeah. That's, that's a journey. At least I can say for myself, like that has been a real painful, deep journey to be able to arrive at, give me more. Like I received this, I accept this. I surrender to that.
[00:41:36] SAM GIBBS: Yeah. I have nothing left to add to that. Cause that is, you said it all right there. Like it is the journey to get there is the journey to get there.
[00:41:45] SAM GIBBS: It takes what it takes and it is. It's humbling and harrowing and beautiful and loving and oh, yeah dark and light and all the things
[00:41:55] ERIKA STRAUB: I know for me like when I was having so much anxiety and it was like, you know, in the trenches with it, I did have to use medication to help numb it. Right. Because I was so dysregulated and so out of my window of tolerance that to me, it was like becoming just, Equally traumatizing and there was no healing, but so first there had to be this like numbing quality to start the work to where I was at least like somewhat in my body.
[00:42:25] ERIKA STRAUB: But like able to start navigating, but it's so wild because that journey has taken me to this chapter in my life where now microdosing is a huge part of. just of my healing. And that being such like an amplifier, like it's wild to move from like numbing substances to amplification. And like part of your work that called me in so much as like your use of plant medicine and psychedelics.
[00:42:53] ERIKA STRAUB: And like, I would love if you could speak to that and what that's shown you, what it continues to show you.
[00:42:59] SAM GIBBS: Yeah. Um, yeah. Um, yeah. I love that you said that because I think that like the big, the conversation is like no pharma, no big pharma and all that. But there, there, there, if it comes to the point where like, this is giving me a moment of grace and it's, it's actually not a four years of Lexapro, maybe four months of Lexapro, something like that.
[00:43:19] SAM GIBBS: Like, I feel like the, as a human, we get to honor that and, and use it for what it's like that bridge, not, not like the actual numbing and then moving on to the things like plant medicine. And so. For me, the plant medicine journey, this has been like, this year has been the shift for me and kind of once I went through that shame process and that, and that cancer with plant medicine, it was, it was as if all the plant medicine that I had done, the ayahuasca, the buffo, the San Pedro, the mushrooms, all of it was bringing me up from a dark place to like, uh, to a place where I can have my head into the light and be in the light.
[00:43:53] SAM GIBBS: And now the plant medicine journeys have been. More of that expansion, amplification, you know, so they, they've served so many purposes for me and one was like, I needed a lot of help. I needed a lot of healing. I needed to see a lot like that pattern that I was talking about in AA was the, the, the human, uh, cycle of, um, looking at what we know.
[00:44:17] SAM GIBBS: So as a human, like I can only say like, this is a piece of paper in front of me. And I know that because I, it's a piece of paper in front of me, but like, what is, what about the trees that this came from? What about the squirrel that planted the nut? Like, what about, like, what's behind all this? And so in these patterns that I was operating in, it was all, I kept, I kept just handling the things I knew about and I was stuck in this cycle of known.
[00:44:39] SAM GIBBS: And so I knew right away that plant medicines, as soon as they started calling to me was, there are things that I do not know. And there's things that I don't know that I don't know. that I really need to see and find out and feel and shine light on and all that. And so as I got on that path, it was really tough.
[00:44:55] SAM GIBBS: Like a lot of really, really dark and harrowing experiences with plant medicines. No, I will never say bad trips. They were just really, really hard experiences that showed me all the things that I need that I didn't know, like the suicide. I didn't know that was a suicide attempt until that moment. And so like to show me like I knew there was shame, but to show me the depth of it, show me the things I don't know, and within that is so much like.
[00:45:21] SAM GIBBS: Everyone was like, Oh, you must've been devastated when you found out that was a suicide attempt. I'm like, actually, I felt really relieved because it finally had left my body. That stored information had left my body and that trauma wasn't there anymore. And so all that work, the plant medicines brought me up from this dark place out of this hole to this place of like fully standing in the light.
[00:45:43] SAM GIBBS: And now it's like, how can I be more in my purpose? How can I be more in my divine masculinity? How can I show up better? For my future girlfriend or wife, how can I show up better as a man for my clients? How can I like what do I get to do to amplify this human experience now? Because I the healing it's never done, but most of the big stuff has been handled for me
[00:46:05] ERIKA STRAUB: I love that like there's You know, it brought you to these experiences was so much more like a wider aperture to, to understand kind of what you've been through, but such a relief.
[00:46:17] ERIKA STRAUB: Cause it's like, it makes sense to like, it, it clicks things into place and this idea that it's like actually truly leaving your body. I think like what brought me to the edge of micro dosing and now kind of stepping into doing a little bit bigger doses, I wouldn't even say macro doses yet. But It's baby steps for someone who was previously very masculinized and, um, a control freak and all those things.
[00:46:44] ERIKA STRAUB: Right. So,
[00:46:48] ERIKA STRAUB: but it's really opening so much, like the amplification of things that it opens, like, It's wild. It's, it's like truly mind blowing of what it's opening. Um, and I got to a point where it was like, I, I've done so much self work, right? Like I, I've, I understand a lot. I'm not saying I know everything. I will never be close to that, but there's been so much work, right?
[00:47:14] ERIKA STRAUB: Like there's so much. Receding myself at the center of who I am and really being able to be seen and to be held and to hold other people and to meet them in this place, but still such an active pain body. And that was like the piece I was like, I don't know what to do with this. You know, it's like, I keep meeting this pain body.
[00:47:37] ERIKA STRAUB: And it's It's taking up so much of my vessel. There's no way that I can receive more with all of this already stored inside of me. And that, that brought me into this world into the like, okay, let's, let's see what's here. Let's see if there's a portal or a channel that opens to like, actually start to like release.
[00:48:02] ERIKA STRAUB: Thanks. This pain that's been there and not continue to contain it.
[00:48:06] SAM GIBBS: Yeah. Yeah, I think that's exactly it. Like you, like it's that the, with microdosing, especially that fight or flight response is what's keeping all that pain, like you're essentially every morning you wake up and you're like, okay, pain checking in.
[00:48:21] SAM GIBBS: Cool. Fight or flight. Here we go. And now with micro dosing, you get to say like, wait,
[00:48:25] ERIKA STRAUB: I
[00:48:29] SAM GIBBS: only speaking from, I should say, I would wake up every morning. And so it's legit like that. Like, okay, well, how can you threaten me today? And so then when you go to, when you drop into the micro dosing stuff, that fight or flight just doesn't come online and you get to operate without the trauma response of, of your pain, of your shame, of whatever it is.
[00:48:48] SAM GIBBS: Yeah. And these and you feel that you feel the body finally relax and release and that's why like, you know, emotion being emotional or having some rage and some healthy anger every once in a while will come up during micro dosing because this stuff that has been suppressed because in fight or flight, there's no time for crying.
[00:49:04] SAM GIBBS: Survival mode? There's no time for that. Like, we have to survive.
[00:49:08] ERIKA STRAUB: We have stuff to do.
[00:49:09] SAM GIBBS: Yeah, we gotta breathe. Come on. Yeah. And so, when you give yourself the chance to experience yourself like that, so much happens that you just touched on all of it. The expansion and this experience of, of self.
[00:49:24] ERIKA STRAUB: What would you say, and maybe this is a little bit of a personal question, but I'm sure it could help someone else too.
[00:49:31] ERIKA STRAUB: Um, Yeah. What kind of leads you from the micro dosing space to step more into like plant medicine and, you know, macro and deeper work there. Like, what is, what would you say that bridge is like?
[00:49:47] SAM GIBBS: Yeah, I love this. Um, so I'll speak to there's, I'll speak to my experience and I'll speak to the experience that I see a lot.
[00:49:55] SAM GIBBS: My experience was coming out of a so I had a lot of a programming that was like oh you're going to end up back in jail you're going to have to reset your sobriety date. And I had to kind of leave the whole sobriety recovery conversation. Language in, in, in the, where it was like, I, I knew that like stepping out of this path, like that conversation was going to get in the way and it honestly, it hung on for like a couple ceremonies where I was like, I would go into a ceremony and be like, in the middle of the ceremony, my sobriety date, I'm surely going to be in jail tomorrow morning.
[00:50:26] SAM GIBBS: Like I was full on back in my addict self that I thought I had healed so much. And so for me, stepping out of AA, leaving that where it was and not, not exiling it, but just saying. I'm going to put that over there and it's still a part of me and I still thank AA every day for it. And this is the new reality.
[00:50:43] SAM GIBBS: And so for me, it was getting right with that conversation, clearing that out of my system. And then I started with micro dosing and then that led me to, um, macro dosing mushrooms. And then that led me to, um, San Pedro, which is what Chuma. And then that was also Bufo and then more Bufo and then ayahuasca.
[00:50:59] SAM GIBBS: And so, um, my shift was. Getting really clear, and I think that doing a lot of work as a human being, going through those cycles that we were talking about, like understanding your patterns as a human being, like, okay, I've been through this one three times, and you know, there's something I don't know here.
[00:51:18] SAM GIBBS: I'm ready for something else. I'm ready to be shown something new. And that's the, that's a really a pretty solid indicator that it might be time to look into it. And I think that Um, for people to move. It's really about a calling like that. You know, everyone like I saw I serve buffo and mushrooms and people gonna be like, Is it okay to start here?
[00:51:37] SAM GIBBS: Like, should I be starting with this? Should I be starting with that? I'm just like, you know, there's not really a rhyme or reason to it. Like if microdosing is a great place to start for sure, because it builds trust. You build trust with yourself. You build trust with the medicine. You start to, you start to experience this like new consciousness that you're talking about.
[00:51:55] SAM GIBBS: And then from there, it's really, it's that surrender. It's that openness, like, it's what's being shown to me, like, Oh, I started, I've been microdosing on a microdosing protocol for nine months. And then all of a sudden someone calls me up and be like, Hey, I'm organizing an ayahuasca retreat in March. And if you're like, Oh, I don't know, probably a yes,
[00:52:16] ERIKA STRAUB: you know,
[00:52:17] SAM GIBBS: and then and just knowing like these medicines essentially will choose you.
[00:52:20] SAM GIBBS: We like to make me like to think like I'm deciding to go. And yes, like we have to decide to book the trip to get on the plane to go to the. Yes. The medicine will present itself to you when the medicine decides that you're ready to receive it. And that's the way it's and that's the kind of downloads always come to me and say is what what is the medicine when it's ready will present itself to me like I was supposed to sit with UFO for the first time in almost a year, like three weeks ago, four weeks ago, and I was like, nervous and I was like oh gosh this is gonna be this is big, and I got a cough.
[00:52:55] SAM GIBBS: Like a legit chest cough the day before. And I was like, I can't, I can't, like, I can't, there's no way that I could inhale this medicine and have any, it would not be good. And to me, I had decided that I was going to sit with the medicine. The medicine said no, not right now. And so when you can learn to tap into the, it's your intuition and it's, it's your communication with the medicines energies and the medicines, life force because they have.
[00:53:20] SAM GIBBS: They are so intelligent and so they will never, you will never be put an opportunity to sit with medicine will never be put in front of you if you're not ready for it, it then becomes your job to feel into it and say, is this right for me? Is this the time? Yes or no?
[00:53:36] ERIKA STRAUB: Yeah. Yeah. I so feel that like, even just from the microdosing, like the trust that's been built and the way I'm trusting myself in a different way and, you know, increasing certain doses sometimes and then being like, You know, it's, it's, we're off for a few days, like that's how it's going to be, but there's definitely trust in the wisdom of it.
[00:53:57] ERIKA STRAUB: Um, but what came to mind as you're talking about leaving this, like a, a vocabulary languaging mindset persona behind, I relate to that in a huge way because I think I'm, I'm leaving the therapeutic language behind, you know, like, I, I never wanted to be a therapist. I'm not a therapist. I sit with people. I hold space with people.
[00:54:21] ERIKA STRAUB: I mentor people, but I'm not a therapist. That, that was never me. But, you know, you're in that space for so long, whether it be AA or therapy, and you, you just develop this like rigidity, almost like. I statements and the, you know, like there, of course there's great things that come out of that, but starting to just wake up so deeply that there's something so much bigger beyond that.
[00:54:44] ERIKA STRAUB: Right. And to me, it's like, it's just like making art out of everything, like making love to everything, you know, and you can't fucking do that from a, I feel this way because you did this to me and. duh, space. So I feel like the plant space is calling to me because there's this like fluidity to it.
[00:55:09] ERIKA STRAUB: There's this openness. There's this dance to it, which feels so different than this, like rigid little, like I'm safe now, but that's it. It's ending at safety. There's, there's no more, there's no dance. There's no fire. There's no, you know, so that I just, I feel resonance in what you were saying about like, Kind of, yes, this is a part of me and a big part and it served me so well, but it's kind of right here and there's more in this field.
[00:55:36] SAM GIBBS: Yeah, I love everything you just said so much. Um, it's identity, you know, a like they're essentially business model is every day come in and identify yourself as an alcoholic. That started to really mess with me. Like, I don't, I don't feel like I'm an alcoholic anymore. I don't, I don't want to, I don't want to keep saying this.
[00:55:53] SAM GIBBS: Like, I'm understanding now that words are spells and I'm, I'm just, because on the other side of, I am an alcoholic every day, I'm broken. I need fixing. I was just like, I don't feel that way anymore. And so like therapy, a lot of it's the same kind of thing. it's Identifying as, um, that, with those conversations and so with these plant medicines, your identity is probably going to get a little, like a hit and you're going to have to really start to like, but what, in that though is a massive, like a blank canvas of recalibration to like, what do I truly identify as, who do I truly identify as, like, what is my real reason for being here, what do I see myself as without someone telling me to tell me I'm an alcoholic every day?
[00:56:36] ERIKA STRAUB: Yeah, yeah. And you didn't know me at this time because we just crossed. Worlds, but literally six months ago, I'd say maybe, maybe a year I, I started my whole business under anxious female, my brand and it was full and it called in the right people and it whatever, right? Like great brand. But I stayed in that box and in that identity for so long when it was like, this is not even like.
[00:57:04] ERIKA STRAUB: This is not who I am. This might be a part of my journey, but like, how do I get out of this box and this identity and now it's kind of like the next iteration, you know, and it's so beautiful how that happens. Like we're just continuing to evolve and, you know, we don't even have any idea who we can really become.
[00:57:23] ERIKA STRAUB: Like it's so limitless. Is like the most amazing part of it. Like we get so stuck on like, this is who I am, or this is what I know, but there's so much more that we can become.
[00:57:36] SAM GIBBS: Oh, limitless is the best way to say it. Like, and with like, just being so open to like, what do you got? Like I'm, I heard there's a great, I read a great book by, um, uh, she got her name, it's called, uh, the book is called, it's not my money.
[00:57:52] SAM GIBBS: It's not your money. And it's, it's, it's that way more than money. But her thing is, is like. In every moment, offer the journey fully to love, and then just see what happens. Just see what happens. And that's been the best mantra I've ever had in my entire life. I'm just offering it to love.
[00:58:09] ERIKA STRAUB: Yeah. I think just bringing it to, like, the image that keeps coming to me in, like, meditations and just in my orbit is the altar.
[00:58:18] ERIKA STRAUB: Like, just bring it to the altar. Just bring it. Yeah. Like bring it there. Yeah. Who knows what's going to happen, how it's going to transform what, you alchemize, but bring it, bring it to the altar.
[00:58:30] SAM GIBBS: Yeah. Cause it knows way more than I do. Yeah.
[00:58:33] ERIKA STRAUB: Yeah. Oh man. So good. Like I keep, I keep going with you. This is so beautiful.
[00:58:41] ERIKA STRAUB: Um, yeah. But I do want to take a moment and just make sure that we can send people to your work to find you. So where's the best place that they can link up with you?
[00:58:52] SAM GIBBS: Yeah. Thank you very much. Um, before I get there, um, this has exceeded all I had a lot of, uh, expectations, but I was really excited about this and this has exceeded all of it.
[00:59:01] SAM GIBBS: It's been so wonderful to do this with you. Thank you so much. Um, best place to find me as Instagram. At Sam Gibbs Morris, that's G I B B S Sam Gibbs Morris. And then all other social medias and the website is the same.
[00:59:14] ERIKA STRAUB: Beautiful. And is there anything that you're calling people into right now or any space holding that you're doing right now?
[00:59:22] SAM GIBBS: Yeah. So, um, I starting now, I was going to wait till January, but I was too excited and it's too good starting now. Uh, my whole mission is around a coming home. And so it's, it's based around, like, we've all heard the hero's journey where the event happens. Hero goes out, hero conquers dragons, hero conquers dragons, and hero keeps conquering dragons.
[00:59:43] SAM GIBBS: And then what always gets forgotten is that the last step is actually the coming back home. And especially as men, like this started with the survival mode. Like we talked about this how it's so it makes us feel so good and worthy to be fighting dragons all the times that we just we forget to bring ourself back home to our women, to our children to our life to ourselves.
[01:00:04] SAM GIBBS: And so my whole mission and whether that's one on one coaching or private retreats or group retreats is all designed around leading people back home. To from the hero's journey.
[01:00:14] ERIKA STRAUB: I love that. That's such a like a powerful reframe of the whole journey because it like it has to be full circle. It
[01:00:22] SAM GIBBS: has to be
[01:00:23] ERIKA STRAUB: full circle.
[01:00:24] SAM GIBBS: What's the point if
[01:00:25] ERIKA STRAUB: you don't bring it full circle?
[01:00:26] SAM GIBBS: Yeah, you're, you're always on the, you're always out fighting dragons and you're leaving your life back home unattended to and not, no joy, no love, nothing.
[01:00:35] ERIKA STRAUB: Yeah. Yeah. I, I just have to add this to it because it just sparked something for me. It's like, It is like the journey of healing trauma too, is like, we go to this place to feel safe, but then we just stay there.
[01:00:49] ERIKA STRAUB: And like, this whole other part of this journey is like, coming back alive and like returning to pleasure. Like how to receive so deeply and like feel an even deeper level of connection through pleasure. We can't stop at safety. There's a whole other piece of this like circle.
[01:01:08] SAM GIBBS: Yes. Yes. That's a perfect way to end this.
[01:01:10] SAM GIBBS: Cause that's what it's all about.
[01:01:12] ERIKA STRAUB: Yeah. Well, thank you so much, Sam. Like this was like beyond and I'm just thrilled to drop in with you to offer you like the work that you've done the journey that you've been on like not an easy one, but I'm like huge believer that things happen in that way because of the potential.
[01:01:32] ERIKA STRAUB: That was there. So for being just like a divine masculine man, making me feel so safe to even open up more in this moment. And I'm so excited to stay connected with you.
[01:01:43] SAM GIBBS: Yeah, absolutely. Erica. Thank you so much. This has been such an honor. I fully received that. Thank you.
[01:01:48] ERIKA STRAUB: Thank you so much.