Love and Loss with Morgan Fava
“The more you allow yourself to experience and feel grief, the more deeply you feel connected to everything.”
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In the episode
Morgan and I take you on a journey of love and loss and the transformative power of grief. From the arms of safe others to the shower floor, grief will split you open until you accept that grief is love. Morgan guides us in building capacity and safety to move and breathe through emotional releases and speaks to the ramifications of suppressing what we feel. We expand on exquisite self care, body shame, intimacy in platonic relationships, and healing sisterhood wounds.
This is a full spectrum episode that touches on the core of what it means to live in deep reverence for the body with a heart bursted open.
In this episode you’ll learn about:
Grief and love
Symptoms of suppressed grief
How death is a doorway to more
Staying present in the purification process of grief
Why breath work and movement are non-negotiables
Healing the sisterhood wound
Intimacy in platonic relationships
Body shame and mirror work
Cycle syncing for deeper body connection
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify. Favorite quotes and a full transcript of this podcast can be found below.
About Morgan
Morgan specializes in guiding women to discover their purpose by embracing the shadows within. As a walker between worlds, she serves as an intuitive guide to the emotional realms. Her calling is to be a Divine Feminine Wayshower, leading women into the greatest mystery of all: the journey of death before rebirth. Morgan is here to support women in reclaiming their power and pleasure by accessing their sacred wisdom within. She believes desire is a mystery put inside individuals by the divine, and the truth is, it will challenge everything the mind holds sacred. Morgan holds space for the deepest and sometimes darkest of layers to be remembered, walking women across the valley floor while standing for sovereignty and a woman's right to choose herself, over and over again.
How To Connect With Morgan Fava
Favorite Quotes from the Podcast
“When you make eye contact with yourself and you can hold that contact, you touch intimacy. Love comes forward, emotions come through. Your Self steps into the light. “ - Morgan Fava
“Detach from the story, drop out of the mind and into the heart where the body can lead” - Morgan Fava
“There’s pleasure on the other side of bravery.” - Morgan Fava
“The more you allow yourself to experience and feel grief, the more deeply you feel connected to everything.” - Morgan Fava
“When you can breathe into your whole body you’re fully here.” - Morgan Fava
“Death is a graduation into more.” - Morgan Fava
“Grief always has a way of calling you back home.” - Morgan Fava
Transcript of the Podcast
[00:00:00] Erika Straub: This is Return to You Podcast with me, your host, Erika Straub. Each week, I'll drop in with thought leaders and soulful healers for expansive conversations on resolving the conflict trauma created between you living and loving directly and intimately. To be fulfilled and satisfied in this lifetime, you have to bring your true self forward.
[00:00:24] But first you've got to ask the question, who am I?
[00:00:34] In this week's episode, I sat down with Morgan Fava. She specializes in guiding women to discover their purpose by embracing the shadows within. As a walker between worlds, she serves as an intuitive guide to the emotional realms. Her calling is to be a divine feminine way shower, leading women into the greatest mystery of all, the journey of death before rebirth.
[00:00:59] Morgan is here to support women in reclaiming their power and pleasure By accessing their sacred wisdom within. She believes desire is a mystery put inside individuals by the divine. And the truth is it will challenge everything the mind holds sacred. Morgan holds space for the deepest and sometimes darkest of layers to be remembered, walking women across the Valley floor while standing for sovereignty and a woman's right to choose herself over and over again.
[00:01:29] I hope you enjoy this episode as much as I did. Let's drop in. Yeah.
[00:01:33] What is what is your story? And I know kind of that question, depending on the day that it's so different. Yeah, but kind of what what brought you into this work into this space?
[00:01:49] Morgan Fava: Um, yeah, it is definitely changes and shifts, but I, you know, kind of always I feel it starts the same, which is just my own unraveling.
[00:02:01] It was just this big breakdown that led to more breakdown and then finally some breakthrough. But, um, yeah, life just started to fall apart and I had no idea what, you know, connecting with my intuition or feeling, um, safe in my body was at that moment. But it was like the universe just got so loud that everything I thought.
[00:02:26] I wanted and all of the boxes I was checking for everyone else just started to unravel and, uh, it just got me curious. And so I just started to listen and didn't really know what that was, but it was just following these little breadcrumbs. And of course the right people just kept coming into my field.
[00:02:48] And, and then that led me on a big journey of just traveling and learning as much as I could. And being in my own energy and falling in love with myself and that was a big, big part of that process for me of learning to not outsource my power or seek any joy or fulfillment outside of myself. And that's an ongoing thing.
[00:03:10] Um, And then I got introduced to plant medicine and that was just a whole other way of ripping my heart open and going deeper and and then just that put me on my path of doing the work that I do and a big part of my passion and I know we kind of chatted with that before is is shifting the way that we view death because grief has been my biggest teacher and I think for it.
[00:03:38] For many, we tend to want to sidestep it or bypass it or feel it just on the surface, and the more I have allowed myself to experience and feel grief, like, the more deeply I feel connected to everything, and, and it's allowed me to find peace in, in death and, and view death as a graduation into more, and so I just have such a desire to share that with it.
[00:04:04] The collective and with others and bring community and intention and ritual back into the honoring of like a physical body and the life that the soul that it carried and then also just the next step and evolution of that soul and what it gets to step into.
[00:04:23] Erika Straub: Yeah, it's so beautiful. And like the grief piece, it speaks to me so deeply.
[00:04:30] And especially being in a chapter of grief, like was just there a couple hours ago. Here we are.
[00:04:39] Morgan Fava: Yeah, yeah. And that's how it goes.
[00:04:41] Erika Straub: Yeah. You know, grief was something I was And still am at times like terrified of like the gravity of it and the bigness of it. Yeah. Helped you really like lean into it and open it and allow it to be this expansive teacher.
[00:05:01] So
[00:05:01] Morgan Fava: I had experienced grief and felt it, I think, you know, like I said on in some ways, but when, um, my Nana passed in 2020. It was, it was like, I didn't have a choice, but to feel it. Like my body wouldn't let me not and really invited me into being deeply. Um, intentional and present with every, like, moment of it.
[00:05:28] Um, she, little backstory, but like, I, my mom left when I was 11 and my nana was my mom's mother. And she's kind of like the only safe adult. Mother figure I had in my life and maybe just for like a like up until recently like what I connected to safety And so I didn't realize that when she physically Transitioned that I all of a sudden felt like this lost little girl who felt like I have no safe space here and so in that Rawness and I'm grateful that I was in a place to have awareness around that because I could easily see right where wanting to Numb it out or not feel it can just be like What feels better.
[00:06:13] Um, but I just kept being invited to like be so present with it and not judge it or shame myself for like, you know, canceling a whole week of work because I can't, I can't do anything else but like sob on the floor. And, um, I would go through, you know, through these waves. I'm sure as you know, grief waves and it sometimes feels like, oh, okay.
[00:06:38] I made a step forward and then it crashes back down. And, um, in that process, I would say the first six months since she passed, she was really, really present with me, like in my field all of the time. And there were times where I would. Try to shove it all down and she'd come to me in my dreams and just rip it right back open And it was like her teaching me like no, we're not gonna do it this way this time We're gonna be here for it always in every way And and it really allowed me to feel on a deeper level than I ever have to, um, lean on support, which was deeply uncomfortable for me to, to like be seen in that level of vulnerability and not always have it together and be okay.
[00:07:28] Um, and to be really messy in it, I think that was probably like the biggest thing that came from it is like it's, it's a mess and it's okay and there's not a roadmap to it and then everyone does it differently. Um, but you're doing it and that's the piece, just keep doing it.
[00:07:46] Erika Straub: Yeah, gosh, I think about. So my dad passed away when I was in my early 20s.
[00:07:54] And at that time I didn't know how to grieve. I think I felt so deeply unsafe in my body. And being someone who's very sensitive and intuitive, but had to turn that off, right, to survive. That loss put me in such a prolonged freeze state. And like shock state that that grief didn't actually break through to about a decade later.
[00:08:20] Morgan Fava: Yeah.
[00:08:21] Erika Straub: And through heartbreak. Yeah. Um, and it is that, that, that sensation of like, I can't hold this. And even if I wanted to, like, it's so. Violent and powerful and purifying like I feel like it was this massive purification process that like you are not the same person on the other side. Yeah.
[00:08:47] Morgan Fava: Yeah, I recall a night in particular like waking up from one of those dreams and like My partner at the time, like, I would go out in the closet to try and kind of like hide and not want to wake her up when she was sleeping and, and I like collapsed to the floor.
[00:09:03] I couldn't even walk and was just like convulsing and it was this like almost out of body experience of what is happening right now. But it, it is a purification process like it did feel like I completely burned away whatever was there and was coming out of it completely new and different. Um, And, and I want others to have that experience, I'm sure, you know, even sharing what you just shared.
[00:09:30] It's like, there's so much magic and beauty in, in me in, in, in experiencing and feeling that grief because it's just how deeply we've opened up to love
[00:09:41] Erika Straub: and yeah, it's like grief is that love with out of home. Yeah. Yeah, I, I think about that prolonged period of just like going numb and going back to sleep and all the ways the universe like came in to try to wake me up and like absolute resistance.
[00:10:03] Yeah. Push it away. Uh huh.
[00:10:07] Morgan Fava: Still
[00:10:09] Erika Straub: can't
[00:10:11] Morgan Fava: feel it. Well, you know, and collectively like how that suppressed grief like shows up and manifests. In, you know, disease in the body, too, and the body of finally starting to
[00:10:26] Erika Straub: see it show up when grief gets suppressed. Like, what does that usually look like for you for you or your clients or people?
[00:10:33] Morgan Fava: Yeah, I think it's a little different for for everyone, but like long term suppress grief, or I've had clients. You know, who've had, um, three generations of women in their maternal line with cancer and when you dig at the root of stuff, it's like this passed down, unprocessed grief. It continues. It's the suppression of our emotions.
[00:10:59] I've seen it, uh, manifest as different autoimmune diseases and it's like the body attacking itself because it's trying, you know, to get our attention. I'm like, Hey, there's something deeper here that needs to be explored. Look at me. Look at me. And, um, Those are some of the biggest ways that it, that I've seen it, um, and for me, it often shows up in my hips and, and kind of pelvic area, whether it's muscular or joints, but when I'm not paying attention to something, I'll have like, And I'm like, okay, this is grief and it's not processed.
[00:11:37] And what am I not looking at here? And so I think it's being aware of like our own body to and paying attention to that.
[00:11:44] Erika Straub: Yeah, it always has a way of like, calling you back home. Yeah. Back to your body. Yeah, mine showed up as autoimmune stuff, like digestive stuff, and also panic attacks, which I see a lot, like, in my world or with clients, how that panic is just, it's so primal and so visceral, like your body's screaming, like, I can't hold this much anymore.
[00:12:11] Like, I am going to shake you so hard that something actually starts to, to move and come out, because this is so stagnant and so heavy. And we can't live like this anymore.
[00:12:23] Morgan Fava: Yeah, exactly.
[00:12:25] Erika Straub: And I think it's a lot like about building capacity in our nervous system. I'm curious if you could speak into that at all.
[00:12:33] How do we build like that capacity to hold and allow grief to move?
[00:12:39] Morgan Fava: Yeah, I, I love to invite people to, if you've ever seen it or not, but you can kind of just Google search like the nervous system without the body, like they'll just have, it's like the brain and the nerves and the spinal cord and, and, and call them.
[00:12:55] And it's this sort of alien like looking thing. And there's all these connections and, um, for moving the grief and expanding that capacity or that bandwidth, it first starts with. The piece of connecting and finding that safety in the body. And so first making that connection of like landing here fully.
[00:13:20] Um, I love when I'll take clients through some processes and it's like for the first time they're breathing into their whole body and like. Oh, this is, this is what it's like to be here and fully here and not mostly here and partly here. And so that to me, establishing that just creates a solid foundation for the rest of, of it to happen.
[00:13:41] Um, breath work has been a huge piece for me and it's something I use with my clients for like ironing out the stuck and stored emotion and trauma in our nervous system without always having to. Talk about the thing and it's like the body just innately is like, okay, we're doing this breath practice.
[00:14:02] And if you've ever done like, you know, intense, um, breathing for an hour, an hour and a half, your body starts to release and there's no story attached to it. It's just like, This is moving out and we're releasing it and letting it go. And sometimes it comes out in tears or movement and laughing and screaming and all of the things.
[00:14:22] And, and so it's, it's all of it to me is coming back to the body and finding what tools and practices feel good to, um, release. And it's, it's just a release from like a primal state. It's not. Needing to, you know, always go back to the story. And I think we tend to get stuck to the story or attached to the story.
[00:14:45] But when we drop out of the mind and into the heart and we let the body lead, it has a really beautiful way of guiding us to that release and creating the capacity to hold more. And with grief specifically, it's like, It doesn't ever go away. Um, and I think there's like, you know, pictures of like, we, we grow around it.
[00:15:06] We learn to grow around our grief. And then in that it's like having the tools to understand when it shows up, like, Oh, this is my grief. And. And today it wants me to just sit and be with it in this way and, and just ask it what does it need and, and be, it's a part of you and it's going to continue to be a part of you.
[00:15:24] And so when we deny it, it gets louder and louder and louder but when we can build relationship with it and build some sort of reciprocity of like okay I'm going to meet you here today and and to me it's just become this beautiful dance with it now and. When I have a day of heavy grief, I'm like, yeah, this feels really good.
[00:15:44] And I'm grateful for it. And I listened deeply to what is my body asking of me. And sometimes it's calling up my girl gang and having a day of just like, hold me in my mess and having friends and people who are safe and can support you. And some days it's, you know, crying on the bathroom floor and being alone in it.
[00:16:03] Erika Straub: Yeah, it, it definitely looks different. I think each time it shows up and being like, clear, like, what do I need? Yeah. And also being able to resource ourselves in a way that. I can hold this on the bathroom floor. Mine's the shower, but then also like being able to show it and reach out to people and put them in it.
[00:16:28] I think we like really need to be able to dance between those two. Yeah. I think sometimes if we can only do one and not the other, we're really limited in like the full expression and feeling of it. Yeah.
[00:16:43] Morgan Fava: Yeah. Having safe space to be seen in it is really powerful and transformative too. And it invites others into it.
[00:16:51] You know, it's like, oh, this is safe and I can do this too.
[00:16:54] Erika Straub: Yeah. For you, like what helped you find that safety in your body to go there, to open it?
[00:17:03] Morgan Fava: Plant medicine was a big teacher for me in that. I think it just really It calls you into the deepest surrender and in that it was like sometimes all I had was finding my breath remind me that like I'm here and I'm safe and this body is what I chose and what I have to hold me in all of this.
[00:17:25] That was a big catalyst for creating that safety. Um, and then working with just different modalities and mentors, um, having guides and support has been Extremely transformational for me. And at any point, I always have at least two. Um, because I'm one to really carry the story of responsibility for everybody else.
[00:17:50] And I got it and I can do it all on my own and I don't need anybody. And so breaking through those barriers, um, has been huge in letting myself open up to others to help me find that safety. So, um, Yeah, I had an Akashic record teacher who walked me through and while I was in my training for that to like, really understanding my body and where's my felt sense of safety and peeling back many layers of inner child stuff to get there.
[00:18:23] That was a big piece in finding that. Breathwork and movement have also been big for that. So it's kind of like plant medicine was the catalyst. And I always love to say, like, it's not the only way. It's just a way and it's also not for everybody. So there's many ways to get to that space. Um, and like mirror work, like one of my mentors just had me sit naked in front of the mirror every day and that in and of itself has been so powerful and like really connecting to my physical body and that it's safe to be here.
[00:18:59] Erika Straub: Yeah, that's so powerful. What did what did you see in the mirror? What did it show you?
[00:19:06] Morgan Fava: Um, I mean, I still do that practice often and it's so different and it can be deeply confronting, you know, it's like how often do we actually look at ourselves. And sometimes it's easy to look at the person staring back at you and some days, it's like deep avoidance of wanting to see what's there.
[00:19:27] Um, and. Those are the days that it's just like I'm going to sit here a little bit longer with this piece or part of myself that feels scary or, um, afraid to be seen. Um, you know, the story of too much or, you know. Um, yeah, so the mirror work has helped with that and ultimately it always leads me back to just like seeing the magic that, that we are, right.
[00:19:57] This just expression of God of the universe and how important, I love that we're recording this too for the Leo new moon, which is like our Leo full moon, which is, you know, that energy too, of like how important each of our roles are at this time in this moment. So mirror work has brought me, yeah, just a deeper level of connection and confidence of I'm worthy because I am, and I don't need anything else to prove that or tell me that or show me that.
[00:20:27] And all of me is worthy of being seen and it's safe to be seen. So I use a lot of affirmations in that as well. And the days that I didn't want to see what was there, it was just love it. Like whatever's there. Love it. Love it. Love it.
[00:20:40] Erika Straub: I so relate to the mirror work in a little bit. Maybe a little bit different of a way, but what I found like my biggest blocks to like grief or just like full expression and release has been around shame and not wanting to see what's there, not being able to hold what I see or to just truly not like what I see.
[00:21:04] Yeah. And so my first kind of journey or reckoning with that. Was I've always dance like dance has been a bit part of my practice, but actually taking myself to dance studios and standing in the front and being in front of the mirror and being witnessed by others, knowing it was like this is a proactive practice around shame.
[00:21:25] Like I know this is going to trigger that. And I want to just meet myself in it. And then it became, um, a practice of just recording myself dancing. And so interesting because the beginning of that journey, I could not make eye contact like whatsoever. And anytime I did, it was like, I became expressionless.
[00:21:48] Like just like completely flat. Yeah. So confronting and, um, just so activating and through like continued showing up for that, like when you actually make that like eye contact with yourself and you can hold it and there's this like intimacy that, that comes forward and this love that comes forward, it's so wild to see just like the emotions come through.
[00:22:16] Like the expression come through, like, here is spirit, here is self, like, fully coming forward. It doesn't matter, like, what the video looks like or if it, you know, it's, yeah. Rarely shared, but just that whole practice of like seeing yourself come through your eyes, like seeing your eyes light up and just that contact you're making with yourself is like it's magic, especially coming from a place of like, I can't even like look right.
[00:22:43] Yeah. Yeah. On or stand in front of a mirror.
[00:22:48] Morgan Fava: Yeah, that that piece of the shame pieces. Um, Really powerful to witness ourselves in that rawness and like saying through the eyes specifically and work to release those stories around our body and our spirit and Yeah, I've been fortunate to sit in some circles with women.
[00:23:13] We're all naked and everyone sharing their stories of shame that we carry and how like everyone can relate to every other woman's story in the room. And when we share those stories, they, they get to die and they don't have to exist in the shame anymore and get to be transmuted. And there's just so much deep healing that comes from that, which is powerful.
[00:23:37] Erika Straub: I truly think shame can be the thing that connects us the deepest and like the foundation for the deepest intimacy. It's not just even in the circle you just described like it was being transmuted into deep connection. Yeah, absolutely. I think that's like the magic of shame. And like, that's what I'm like so passionate about, like bringing and cultivating forward, like if we can have that, like bravery to bring it forward, there's so much connection and pleasure on the other side.
[00:24:10] But that initial like, yeah, can be
[00:24:14] Morgan Fava: terrifying,
[00:24:15] Erika Straub: terrifying, and I think that's see like our greatest offenses. Yeah. Yeah. How did, uh, if you feel comfortable answering this, how did shame show up for you? What did that look like for you?
[00:24:29] Morgan Fava: Yeah, it, I've carried a lot of, um, Just really loud, negative self talk, as a lot of women do, around my body and the way it looks physically.
[00:24:41] Um, my mom was not always mentally well, and she really did a number on my sister and I when it came to, like, the way that we saw ourselves and our bodies. Um, so like, yeah, being naked was deeply uncomfortable, or used to be, and I've worked really, really hard at that for a long time. Many years now and and actually I am so grateful to say like from this point.
[00:25:10] I'm so confident and love my body so much all of the time. But in that moment, the shame piece is like around the ways that I have hid my body. Like I got a breast reduction at 19 because I didn't like the attention from Right people and I was in a really religious Christian school and it just felt like I was causing people to sin and there was so much shame around that.
[00:25:38] And so like having scars that represent that, like, the shame kind of exists there without that story of that. And so telling that story and then times where, you know, you give your body to others because you think it's what they want or how you're gonna get receive love and and just. The time. Yeah. So sharing those stories and, and releasing it in that space of like, we all have some kind of connection in that way of the way that we haven't honored her and appreciated her and loved her every part of the process.
[00:26:14] And, um, I continue to do healing around that too, by working with my cycle and like, really letting each cycle be a release of any story that may have came up that month or that I continue to move through.
[00:26:30] Erika Straub: That's so powerful. I feel like the deeper we connect with our cycle, everything changes. Yeah. We're so different in each part of it and we're like asleep to that.
[00:26:42] It's just so interesting. The different stories that show up or the different choices we make or how we disconnect with our body or shame our body in this way or our relationship to movement. Our relationship to our own energy. I know a big story for me, like more towards like the luteal phase when my energy is a lot lower, there's a lot of shame that would come up in that place, like not being productive enough.
[00:27:07] Yeah. Yeah. Right. Or like your body feels different during that phase. And it's like, yeah, you notice that actual sensations in your body or the size of your body or the shape of your body, like it's different during that. But being able to know, like, exactly where you're at, I think, brings a lot of compassion, and we can kind of change our relationship in those moments.
[00:27:32] Morgan Fava: Yeah, I love that, and I couldn't agree more, um, and I love to get deeper and deeper and deeper into that, and if it changes, I'm like, what shifted? What is changing? Right? Like, if the cycle goes, you know, different by even just a couple of days and, um, being that aware and connected to it, and yeah, I love doing HIIT workouts first thing in the morning, and I still battle the, like, during my bleed slowing down because I want to move the energy, and I, the more I've recognized it.
[00:28:04] Yeah. The, you know, going to do some yoga or go for a walk, I actually have way more energy and it's just the listening and the being in relationship with that cycle too.
[00:28:15] Erika Straub: Yeah. The honoring of it. So important. And you're so right. Like my energy feels completely different if I'm honoring. Yeah. Yeah. Push myself, but like the energy time in the month is so out of alignment.
[00:28:30] I feel awful. Yeah. So disconnected, completely disconnected. Yeah. So I think like really or I want to like organize my whole life around my cycle, doing it bit by bit. But it's So anti to like our society and culture and the patriarchy and all the things it's yeah,
[00:28:53] Morgan Fava: it doesn't fit into any of that. And so it does, yeah, feel a bit more challenging to get it kind of in that flow.
[00:29:01] But I'm working on the same thing myself and just my business and In personal life and everything.
[00:29:08] Erika Straub: Yeah, like when I want to show up is often related to where I'm at in my cycle.
[00:29:13] Morgan Fava: Yeah.
[00:29:14] Erika Straub: Yeah, definitely. Um, I was just thinking about like, because I've also, I also can relate to just like body image struggle at different chapters and then, you know, coming into our 30s.
[00:29:30] Um, just some of the changes you start to feel, right. And like, I'm, I'm really waking up to the maturity that's happening, but also some of the messaging that comes in around maturing, right. And, um, it's so interesting that the inner dialogue, sometimes I find that. Externally, my inner dialogue is reflected back to me by certain situations, right, where someone may have a judgment of me or something like that.
[00:30:06] And it's just interesting to hear, I don't know if I'm making this make sense, but when our inner dialogue gets externalized. Or someone has a judgment about us as a woman or a body, it's like, have I already thought that of myself?
[00:30:21] Morgan Fava: Yeah. Is that belief
[00:30:22] Erika Straub: holding? Does that make sense? I'm not sure if I, yeah,
[00:30:25] Morgan Fava: no, no, no.
[00:30:26] That makes perfect sense. And I mean, I feel like energetically like that, that is like how that works. You know? It's like our own inner judgment and our own inner story. And then we see it externally like you're saying and it reflects back to us and I love that, that question to kind of catch yourself in that like, have I already thought this thought about me or is this my own expression, you know, being reflected back.
[00:30:52] Erika Straub: Yeah. And how do we love ourselves deeper in those moments? Like, I love what you said, you've been on this journey of like really loving yourself. And I'm curious, just different pieces that have really brought that home for you. Cause I'm, I'm noticing in my life, like in certain pockets where it's like, wow, this is a pocket where I haven't pulled in and connected with that self love that belongs here.
[00:31:17] Really cultivating that.
[00:31:19] Morgan Fava: Yeah, um, yeah, I mean for me it kind of first started with more of physical like, you know I had deeper self love for some of the other stuff and so that was a pocket that like I was I'm like This is where I want to focus also in my astrology like my Chirons in the sixth house, which is your day to day routines and and so for me Having like daily non negotiables has really allowed me to stay in that space of unconditional love for myself and building confidence and, and knowing my worth and my value from like a true grounded space and not outsourcing it.
[00:32:02] And there are days where. You know, we, we fail at that, but, um, I have this friend and she's a dear, dear friend of mine. She's 60 and she's just a badass and she's beautiful and, and her, her thing has always been, she's like, I take really good care of myself and she always has and that's in every way. And so, you know, from what she puts into her body to how she wants to move her body and to listening to her body and.
[00:32:31] Every phase and we've had talks about that of getting older and what that looks like and, um, and, and then relationships, then, you know, what are we calling in? And what does that look like? Whether it's friendship or partnership? Um, and, and that stuck with me of like taking really good care of myself. And so what does it look like to take really good care of myself?
[00:32:54] And I think about that often. And it's kind of a question I drop in with every Monday and go like, what would it look like to take really good care of myself this week? And from that, I've just built a lot of practices and routines that I've stayed disciplined in that have kept me consistent in that self love piece.
[00:33:12] And it's, I can see and feel the difference when I fall off for like a couple of days and I don't shame or You know, make myself feel bad for it, but it's just the recognition of how great I feel when I'm staying consistent to choosing myself and honoring my body mostly first, um, to what she needs and then everything else feels like it has this ripple of impact from that.
[00:33:38] Erika Straub: Yeah, I so deeply relate to that and the taking good care of yourself like there's a different texture to that than this like self care self care self care right. Thank you. Deep nourishing care of ourselves, like that has such a different felt sense than this, this self care, self care, self care, right?
[00:33:59] And it does, I think for me, it's like a pyramid, you know, like there's certain foundational things that have to happen if not daily, weekly, really feel like at home in myself. Like fundamental and it sounds like you have some non negotiables. Yeah. Yeah. Would you share what some of your non negotiables are?
[00:34:20] Morgan Fava: Yeah, so daily is movement And that can look like anything and like I said, like I do love a good morning intense workout, but sometimes it's A walk around the block or just some stretching or foam rolling and I've come to love the flow of that. Um, daily movement, time at my altar, and, um, something I'm calling myself into right now is just like starting and ending each day as I do when I go into ceremony.
[00:34:51] And so how I start my day and how I end my day is really important and creating. Routines around that, um, that really kind of set me up. So gratitude is always part of that too. So gratitude is definitely a part of. Those non negotiables. Um, weekly is spending time with myself. So I like to have Fridays as my Venus Day and just have a me day and whatever that looks like.
[00:35:20] And I'd love to invite my inner child into that of like, what do you want to do today and or having a yes day with her. Um, And I love to travel, so that's kind of another bigger non negotiable of like always having a trip or something planned to look forward to, whether it's once a year, once a quarter, but just that's something that excites me and moves me towards something that I feel is deeply nourishing to my soul to go and experience new culture, a new space.
[00:35:48] Um, And yeah, I think those are some like big ones, but my day to day stuff is the most important non negotiable to me and the how I start and end my day and movement.
[00:36:00] Erika Straub: Yeah, I love that. And like movement, I think is foundational. Like how, how do we get in our bodies if there's, you know, part of the day and, you know, for like my system, because my default programming has been to hold.
[00:36:18] It's like movement is always the counter to like just moving my body starts to open, you know, like those emotional channels back up and, and start to like release whether it's a small release or a big release, but right. I know anytime that I'm resistant to movement, it's like, Oh, what's there? What do I, uh, and I'd love the, like, bring it to the altar that there's space for that every day.
[00:36:48] For me, this, this new practice, that's just like, so organically come into my closing of the day is like every night when I lay down to go to sleep, there's this conversation I have with source. Um, just like organically started one day, like, and not that long ago, just started. Like this is when I have a conversation with stories and it's, it's been so deeply healing to have.
[00:37:18] So I think when we have, you know, these moments to connect with ourself or connect with whatever it is that we do believe in, so powerful,
[00:37:27] Morgan Fava: so
[00:37:28] Erika Straub: powerful.
[00:37:30] Morgan Fava: Yeah, I find it just, I don't know, it activates my intuition more and just like you're saying that kind of grounded connection to your body and, um, it's, it's like that moment of just spending time with self or with source and listening deeply, deeply listening.
[00:37:49] Erika Straub: Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's not just the listening, but the honoring, we have to go through all these different learnings to know, like, okay, there was a point where I didn't do either. Then there was a point where I started to hear, but I didn't honor. And now it's really that, like, I listen and I honor, and when I don't, there's a practice in place too, that it's not this punishment anymore, shaming anymore, but it's like, okay.
[00:38:16] You see that? Yeah, we're okay that that happened. Um, yeah, I think it's the foundation of self. And from there, it's like bringing that into a relationship space. Or bringing that into an intimate connection. Yeah. I'm curious if you could just kind of speak life into that. Like what is it like for you to have this deep connection to self and then go into spaces with other, whether it is partnership or friendships, like how does that alter just the quality of these relational spaces?
[00:38:52] Morgan Fava: I mean, I can only speak from my personal space, but it has altered my relationships in every way, like, tenfold, um, in such depth that I've been able to invite myself into, and the relationships that I've called into my life, um, I'm so, so grateful for those in this moment, and it, to me, is directly related to this piece that you're speaking into, of I can show up as myself, And I'm not putting, like, my projections into these relationships or bringing my wounding into it.
[00:39:33] And when I do, I know that there's safety to have a conversation around it, because I have created that here first. And so, um, being able to speak my needs and feel heard in them has been huge across the board in my, um, You know, my loving, like, love relationships and partnered relationships, and then even in my friendships I had.
[00:39:55] You know, abandonment wound for my mom. So having deep friendships with women was not easy. And it felt like I was always the one to leave the second that things got hard because it's like, I don't want to get hurt in this again. And, you know, to have that safety and show up in relationships and that layer of intimacy being there, because now I'm holding my relationships to that standard too, right.
[00:40:18] It's like, I'm calling in that caliber of connection. And so the people in my field, I know that if there's something that upset me or hurt me, that I can go to them and say, Hey, not not blaming and shaming them of you did this thing, but this thing that you did made me feel this way. Can we talk through it?
[00:40:35] And we're always willing to meet each other in that. And it just allows the relationship to deepen and deepen and deepen. Um, and And so now that's just like what I would say, like in any relationship, like all I can ever ask of the other person is that they show up and are able to take responsibility for themselves because I'm going to show up and always take responsibility for myself and my part in it.
[00:40:57] And if, you know, to me, it's like, if two people can continue to come together in that way. There gets to just be continued growth and expansion between the two of them. And so, um, I walked through, uh, separation from my wife this last year, and it was deep and intense. And there were a lot of those moments where we could have both ran and gone the other way.
[00:41:20] And, um, we continued to show up in those hard spaces and hard conversations. Because we had both done the work to create that level of self and safety and, um, Those conversations have allowed us to deepen into what I have experienced is the most unconditional love that I've, you know, just had the opportunity to be in.
[00:41:48] And we've, yeah, been able to navigate a deep friendship on the other side of it and continue to support and hold one another in where we're both going on our new paths. And it's also like opened up. My next partnership to more safety and trust and, and, um, vulnerability to like this, the deepest intimacy, it feels like it keeps getting deeper and deeper and deeper when you have people who are willing to show up in that way and meet yourself in that way.
[00:42:20] Erika Straub: Yeah. Yeah. The responsibility for self peace, I think changes the whole paradigm. And when we know ourself, we know our truth. Yeah. And I think we don't have to be defensive anymore. Exactly. My truth is my truth. It's not your truth. And it doesn't have to be, like, we don't have to agree on all of it. But that respect piece is there.
[00:42:42] That I can hold, you know, these two truths and not have to defend. But really drop into the space of, like, I want to understand.
[00:42:50] Morgan Fava: Yeah.
[00:42:51] Erika Straub: I want to see you. I want to meet you here and the safety that comes from that is, is life changing. I think it's like the deepest level of healing we can experience for any of our attachment wounds or attachment trauma.
[00:43:04] Yep. Absolutely. I feel like it's like a non negotiable, you know, across the board, even with our friendships. I'm, I think I'm learning over this last year that the romantic, the romantic partner can be a little decentralized, like our friendships, especially, especially for me, like our sisterhoods are equal value and depth and the intimacy that can be experienced there is equal to that partnership.
[00:43:35] Minus physical intimacy. Isn't that the actual intimacy that can be alive in both of those fields, I think is so potent and sometimes we deprioritize the platonic space, but there's something so profoundly powerful about that space. Absolutely.
[00:43:56] Morgan Fava: It's, it's been the last two years. I've had a deep focus on healing, like sisterhood pieces and, and, um, I was sitting in an ayahuasca ceremony last spring and was in a deep process, and I have a lot of play in the way that I process things too, and so I was just like, there in agony, and I'm like, I need my girls here, like, and, and in the experience, it was like, they all rolled up in this like, hot pink Lisa Frank convertible type thing, and they're just like, we got you, and they're all there, and it was like, such Like, I knew that wherever they were at, because of course, going into ceremony, they're all like, we're gonna, you know, sit at our altars, and we're gonna be holding you, and I felt them there, and I, it's like, deepening those relationships, like you're saying, and putting focus on that, um, I had a gathering with them last night, and it's just so nourishing to my soul.
[00:44:51] Like, I've never had that before, and I have a lovely, beautiful relationship with my, my biological sister, but there's something about, like, the sisters that we choose, and, and those relationships, and the intimacy, because it's like, we do, we see ourselves, like, we see one another in Everything right and all the layers and being able to meet each other and hold each other in the highs the lows and everything in between is has been everything to me like I could cry just thinking about it.
[00:45:24] It's, it's been so beautiful to have that in my life now.
[00:45:28] Erika Straub: It's truly like transformative. I It's a wound I've been healing too. And I think a lot of us as women, it's like we are in that era of really healing these sisterhood wounds. Yeah. Like when we can be in spaces with other women, I just feel like there's this melting that happens, like that demasculinized layers that we have start to melt and I find that it's like, I become actually a better partner in romantic relationships too, by all the teachings I've learned with my sisters.
[00:46:05] Morgan Fava: Definitely. The, the intimate conversations, connections, even the breakdowns that have happened between me and my friendships with women have absolutely allowed me to be a better partner in my other relationships.
[00:46:22] Erika Straub: Yeah, yeah, I hope for every woman. That they have, we have spaces for sisterhood. I'm so excited about cultivating that even deeper, um, this year because it's, it's so profound.
[00:46:37] Like the level of intimacy that we can hold as we gather as women. Yeah. It's just like, you can just feel it in your body. Heart just like. Bus open when I think about it.
[00:46:50] Morgan Fava: Yeah, same.
[00:46:52] Erika Straub: So I want to ask you this question before we kind of tie the whole conversation up. I think we've dropped into it. We've touched on it, but to ask it directly.
[00:47:03] What does intimacy mean to you?
[00:47:07] Morgan Fava: Hmm. Um. Let me let me sit with that in my body. I think there's a level of it that is deeply connected to vulnerability for me. And, and I know we've touched on the word safety a lot. And it's like a felt sense of safety, right? And, and, and so to drop into intimacy, to, to be intimate with myself, to be intimate in connection to anything else, whether it's, You know, a person, a place, a thing, whatever it might be, um, allow, it's dropping my shield or my mask and letting myself be raw and seen is really what intimacy is to me and, and to me, it's a continued journey of peeling back the layers or any sort of shield or curtain or veil or anything that we might place in between self and whatever that relationship with intimacy is.
[00:48:16] Erika Straub: I love that. I love that so much. And the safety piece I think is so like, that has to be there. Anything that felt sense of safety is not intimacy.
[00:48:27] Morgan Fava: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:48:28] Erika Straub: That's been like a recoding I've had to go through with like my system because intensity has been as intimacy, um, past experiences, and I think intensity.
[00:48:40] Can still be intimacy, but if that's absolutely, yeah, it's not right. It's like completely different. It's trauma repeating its programming running in the background. Yeah. Yeah. I so appreciate that, that answer. It definitely resonates for me. Well, Yeah. Thank you. This has been so lovely getting to know you and just.
[00:49:05] Um, and I'm just sitting down and having this conversation. There's so much that I resonate with and I hope that I get to know you better. Um, yeah,
[00:49:15] Morgan Fava: same.
[00:49:17] Erika Straub: As proximity, um, might also align, but thank you for taking this time to have this conversation. It's so powerful and like, I can just, I feel the safety that you've cultivated in you.
[00:49:30] Like I feel safe next to your energy and that's. It's just really beautiful to feel, so thank you.
[00:49:36] Morgan Fava: Well, thank you, and thank you for, yeah, this conversation and connection and the work that you're doing, uh, so deeply appreciated, um, and needed at this time, and I'm definitely calling in more sisterhood connection and in person connection, so we will definitely make that happen.
[00:49:55] Erika Straub: Same, same, same. Thank you so much, Morgan. This is cool. And where can I forgot to ask this because I want to make sure it's included. But where can people find you and follow all of your work?
[00:50:09] Morgan Fava: Um, so you can find me on Instagram. Just my name is Morgan Fava and my website is the same. So morganfava. com.
[00:50:16] Erika Straub: Perfect. We will make sure to include that in the show notes. So, okay. Awesome. Thank you so much.
[00:50:22] If this podcast feels in resonance with you, I would be so grateful for 30 seconds of your time to follow or subscribe to the return to you podcast to leave a five star rating and review and to share this episode with someone you love who's on the journey home to themselves too. Thank you so much for being here.
[00:50:44] I see you.