To Be a Cycle Breaker with Tanner Wallace
“If you have a serious trauma history, the healing might be returning to neutrality where your line rests in peace and they're not causing harm anymore.”
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In this episode
In this episode we cut wide open what it means to be a cycle breaker, why parts work is so transformative, and how healing attachment trauma requires relearning how to relate to Self and others.
Tanner shares candidly about her blended family’s journey towards healing CPTSD and how to let go of seeking justice for childhood trauma.
We explore the spiritual components of trauma recovery through ancestral healing and the significance of returning your lineage to neutrality where no more harm is caused.
In this episode you’ll learn:
Recovery from cptsd
How to complete cycles of trauma, not just break them
How to create an internal co-regulator
Releasing dark trauma energy
Returning your lineage to peace
Coming to a place of neutrality
Repairing the internal bridge of trust
The practical implication of parts work
How to come apart and come back together whole
Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify. Favorite quotes and a full transcript of this podcast can be found below.
About Tanner
Tanner is a former university professor of health and human development turned full-time CPTSD Recovery coach; she affectionately refers to herself as an "Insta Coach" and honors the impact this role truly has in today's social media rich lifestyle. She is IFS Level 2 trained, and considers Parts Work the foundation for her work with clients. She's the author of two CPTSD Recovery curriculums - the 5 Circuits of Healing Power and the CPTSD Wheel of Life. She also is a podcast host, CPTSD Medicine, and Content Creator - YouTube, Instagram and Facebook all under the handle CPTSD Medicine.
How To Connect With Tanner
Favorite Quotes from the Podcast
All of a sudden you make sense to yourself in a way you haven't before. You understand there's a context for everything you're feeling. - Tanner Wallace
A little release of shame allows you to look more deeply at things. - Tanner Wallace
If you have a serious trauma history, the healing might be returning to neutrality where your line rests in peace and they're not causing harm anymore. - Tanner Wallace
The truest gift of cycle breaking is the access to healthy relating. - Tanner Wallace
In all trauma work there is a need for trust to be restored. That bridge inside needs to be rebuilt. - Tanner Wallace
One of the most unnatural things you have to do as a cycle breaker is basically draw a line in the sand and say, that was my human experience up to now. And that was not fair. And that was unjust. And that was awful. And that shouldn't have happened. And if I'm truly going to be a cycle breaker, that doesn't matter anymore. No one's going to show up and apologize. There’s not going to be justice. You have to put it to rest and let go. - Tanner Wallace
Parts work gives you a way to see that you’re not all one thing. You’re a multiplicity of energies, entities, and parts, some of which are not your own, but were absorbed during moments where there was a lack of self protection. - Tanner Wallace
Transcript of the Podcast
[00:00:00] Erika Straub: This is Return to You Podcast with me, your host, Erika Straub. Each week, I'll drop in with thought leaders and soulful healers for expansive conversations on resolving the conflict trauma created between you living and loving directly and intimately. To be fulfilled and satisfied in this lifetime, you have to bring your true self forward.
[00:00:24] But first you gotta ask the question, who am I?
[00:00:34] I'm so honored to introduce Tanner Wallace to you today. She is someone that has been in close proximity with me for the last few years, and I truly respect the work she does in the world and who she is as a person. Tanner is a former university professor of health and human development, turned full time CPTSD recovery coach.
[00:00:54] She affectionately refers to herself as an insta coach and honors the impact this role truly has in today's social media rich lifestyle. She
[00:01:03] is IFS level two trained and considers part work the foundation for her work with clients. She's the author of two recovery curriculums, the five circuits of healing power and the CPTSD wheel of life.
[00:01:17] She is also a podcast host, CPTSD medicine. So let's dive in.
[00:01:23] I would just love to know your path, um, into this work.
[00:01:28] Tanner Wallace: Yes.
[00:01:29] Um, let's see where to start the story. I mean, I think that's always just such a question of like, where does the story actually start? Um, there's so many. Entry points to share someone's like healing journey life story. Um, I mean, I think, I mean, I think it really does for me, like a point to kind of start the story is.
[00:02:00] Uh, really with COVID, honestly, like the COVID was this time for everyone, including myself or like life as I knew it just completely came to a screeching halt. And in my life, that meant like a very busy job as a researcher, as a professor, uh, mentoring graduate students, uh, with a partner who is also a professor.
[00:02:26] in a blended family, doing a lot of running around across households. And, um, you know, I think when that all stopped, it was finally this chance to be like, like, let me exhale for a minute and actually look around. And there had been some things that You know, I'd been kind of loosely working on like, Oh, this probably isn't okay.
[00:02:52] Or this really is tough for, you know, I need to stop doing X or Y, but it just finally gave me permission and time to start jumping honestly online and, and asking some questions about my life, like my parenting, the way I felt inside. Um, and it was coinciding with. a feeling that in academia, I was getting a little like burnt out, like not physically burnt out, but mentally just the things that used to excite me, weren't exciting me.
[00:03:26] So I'd already started kind of exploring what would it be like to do the work that I love outside of this institution. So I think between those two things, my openness for like, I want something different and then digging online. It kind of all landed with me finding a book. It's why I'm so passionate about content creation because literally a single blog post, a single podcast episode, a single Instagram post, a book can literally change the course of someone's life.
[00:03:57] And that's how I feel about Pete Walker's book. He wrote a book called CPTSD, Surviving to Thriving. And I don't even know the Google search that actually led me to the book title, but I You know, I'm a reader. I love research. And so I just ordered it. And, you know, Amazon Prime came, I think, like the next day and I read it and I couldn't put it, it was just like for the entire weekend I read, I read, I read.
[00:04:25] And then I called my sister and I was like, I have the answer. I want to send you a book. And so I sent her the book. She read it. She's like, holy. Like this is, it's like CPTSD, like this explains everything. Check, check, check, check. Um, and so then I think with that permission to explore trauma, because I think for someone like me, you know, I think this is shifting, but historically.
[00:04:53] I mean, I had seen so many helpers and described in graphic detail, like, this is what I struggle with with parenting. Like, this is what my marriage is like. This is how I was raised. This is the way I feel about my parents. Like, this is what my sister struggles with. And no one said the word trauma. And so I think on paper, if you look at me, you know how I look, how I present, what I've been able to accomplish.
[00:05:20] I think historically that doesn't pair with trauma and I think we're changing the paradigm on, on that, but it gave me permission to actually name things that I didn't have language for before. Um, and then that kind of started me on a whole journey of unwinding. I mean, in the three years since just really unwinding at all.
[00:05:42] Erika Straub: Yeah. I, I so feel you. I'm like. The right book at the right time and your whole world changes, like everything changes. All of a sudden you make sense to yourself in a way you haven't before. And I think there's like that loneliness that was maybe there before and not even touched because it was maybe too big or too scary is now all of a sudden exposed and like, Oh, this is not just me.
[00:06:10] Like there's a context for everything I'm feeling.
[00:06:14] Tanner Wallace: Yeah. And I think for me, and I, I maybe some, um, the, of the listeners will relate to this. I think for me it was that and the way that my trauma has manifested is very much in an I will destroy energy. And so when you're a human that has that rage tendency, that explosive tendency, you know, people don't like you, people blame you for a lot of things.
[00:06:41] People look at you and. You know, can accuse you of a lot of different things. And I, so I think for me, I'd been called so many names over all the years. It finally was just this little, like lifting of. There actually might be a reason why you're like this. That's not, you're a really messed up person and something's really wrong with you.
[00:07:04] And so my whole life up until that point had been, you know, being blamed for things that I had done in a trauma response. I was like, yeah, I did do that. Like, so it makes sense. You're blaming me. But then also in my specific trauma ecosystem, you know, with that, Tendency to lash out was an easy target to be blamed for like the whole family's issues.
[00:07:27] So it's like that book also gave me a way to like step a little bit outside of that. And I think just that little release of shame allowed me to kind of look. More deeply at things. I would think I just didn't have permission to before maybe.
[00:07:45] Erika Straub: Yeah. And there's so many layers when you end up being like the scapegoat for everything.
[00:07:51] It's really hard to get below the shame then because you're feeling it yourself and it's like continually reinforced by the outside.
[00:07:59] Tanner Wallace: Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty. I have a special, special affinity for people. I have clients who come to me and they're like, so I have a pretty bad, I will destroy energy. I'm like, I can relate.
[00:08:09] I call that my dark part.
[00:08:11] Erika Straub: I'm here for it.
[00:08:12] Tanner Wallace: I'm here for it.
[00:08:13] Erika Straub: But like that part transformed now and I'm curious, like the journey of this particular part.
[00:08:21] Tanner Wallace: Yeah, so, you know, it's interesting because when I came into contact with like what that energy was inside of me, there was like a very specific like performance part that was very much like you perform, you're better than everybody.
[00:08:37] You'll be safe. And that was a driven part, but it had like a, an edge to it because it wasn't just my own performance. Everybody else had to be little or smaller to enhance my own performance. And so it had a pretty destructive edge to it. And It didn't care about anybody else, but the outcome or the result.
[00:09:00] So it was also very detrimental to, you know, my close personal relationships. So if that was mixed into it, um, there was what feels like things I inherited just from like my lineage, my ancestors, that is also very much like, um, be better than everybody else. And then people won't see What's inside. So it also had this flavor of promising people too much.
[00:09:31] Erika Straub: So that
[00:09:32] Tanner Wallace: they were kind of like indebted to me, but in ways I could never deliver. Like, and so that set people up. So then eventually it'd be like, okay, I can't do that. And people be like, wait, but you promised me all of these things. And it was like, oh yeah, but I don't want to do that anymore. So that was super messy in the relational field.
[00:09:51] Um, And so it's just, those were the two main components of how it manifested. And then like when neither of those would be successful, like people would get mad at me because I'd like, Oh, I don't want to do that anymore. Or people would be like in the way of the achievement. That's when that kind of like, I will destroy energy would come out.
[00:10:10] And then there was a lot of shame underneath because it was like, I had the award, I had the grant, I had whatever it was I was chasing. But I was all alone and a lot of people close to me really didn't like me.
[00:10:23] Erika Straub: Yeah. Yeah. And I imagined really didn't know you either.
[00:10:27] Tanner Wallace: Yeah. Yeah. Not at all. Yeah. That's exactly.
[00:10:31] So kind of through the unburdening of that and just kind of releasing a lot of that kind of underneath it is this really driven, really focused, like roll up your sleeves, get the job done. Don't quit. Be resilient. But it's all just mine. Like I don't need anybody to do anything. I don't need people to support.
[00:10:55] Like it's just so centered and so grounded. So I think the biggest thing, you know, to anyone's listening is like what healing and unburdening these parts of us that have been survival for us does. Is so much of what we do when we're in a trauma response is outside of ourselves. Like we need somebody else to do something.
[00:11:16] We need something to be reflected just this way. You know, it's so much circumstantial power. A lot of that really has some essences of who we actually are, like what we want, what we like it's, it's there, but it's just all outside of us. And when we pull it in, filter it through like our body and our heart.
[00:11:36] Then it's like just this grounded embodied, like, oh, it's all right here
[00:11:40] Erika Straub: and
[00:11:40] Tanner Wallace: that's the gift.
[00:11:42] Erika Straub: Yeah. It is such a gift. Like that being able to tap into like that power and that drive and that ambition and that like momentum roll up your sleeves like that. There's so much power in that. When it's like unattached to all of these other pieces and you said something about lineage work, and I imagine that's so deeply tied to this.
[00:12:06] I'm wondering if you could speak a little bit more how lineage work is. Um,
[00:12:18] Tanner Wallace: so I was trained by somebody who was trained by Daniel for so I want to acknowledge kind of the where a lot of this is going to come from. So IFS internal family systems. That's where like the parts work comes from. Um, Daniel four has a version of, and like lineage work that, um, is called ancestral healing or ancestral medicine.
[00:12:38] I've really loosely adapted it and woven in parts work and IFS. So like if anyone who's trained by him is listening, they'd be like, that's not it. And it's pure form. I'm like, I know, I know I've adapted. Um, it's this really beautiful practice of. Kind of imagining that you're connected in four different directions.
[00:13:01] You know, you have your dad's mom. Um, you're actually the way I started like your dad's dad's your dad's mom, your mom's mom, and your mom's dad, and you can kind of imagine that you're in the center of all four of those lines. And each one of them has their own story, their own, you know, wellness, their own darkness, their own, you know, disconnection from God or the universe or source energy, you know, however you want to think about it.
[00:13:30] And. You know, part of the healing journey is to energetically, psychically, spiritually, psychologically, like however you think about it, really help them write whatever wrongs that are still happening or still being held in that line. So you can really reconnect that line to source energy, God, mother nature, the universe release the burdens they've been carrying.
[00:13:59] And really retrieve the gift. And so what's really important to anyone who's listening, who identifies as a human with CPTSD or significant trauma history is as anything mainstream. You're going to hear one version of it. And you're going to like, when I do that work, it's really different. And I just want to validate it's going to be really different.
[00:14:19] So you're going to, and like mainstream lineage work, you're going to see people get these amazing gifts. And, and like, if you have a serious trauma history, you know, the, the healing might just be, it comes to neutrality and your line rests in peace and they're not causing harm anymore. And that might be the outcome.
[00:14:39] You're not going to get this, like, there's sending me this glorious white light of like the angels from beyond. It might not be that you're like. They're just resting in peace. They're not harming anybody, including me anymore. Yeah. Which is a huge gift in and of itself, which is you've just helped a lot of people.
[00:14:58] Erika Straub: The ripple effect of that is
[00:15:01] Tanner Wallace: massive, but you might have gifts in some lines. I mean, I think that's the beautiful thing about lineage work as I've experienced. And I've walked clients through is you start to see that. You know, one line might actually be pretty untouched by trauma,
[00:15:16] Erika Straub: but
[00:15:17] Tanner Wallace: all the other lines have just been so overpowering, you know, their stuff or their issues or their stories or their kind of implicit contracts with darkness, like are overshadowing this one poor line that you have that's like, actually, we're healthy.
[00:15:34] No one can see us over here.
[00:15:36] Erika Straub: Everyone else is so loud and so big.
[00:15:38] Tanner Wallace: Yeah. So that's been really beautiful to see with clients to be like, Oh, like that's fun. Like that's actually a little part that's good, you know, and there is a portion of the work that you can do real world work, you know, reconnect with relatives, go visit, you know, meaningful.
[00:15:57] Sites do DNA research, so it can have a very real world component, but it doesn't have to if that doesn't feel safe or that doesn't feel aligned with where you are in the journey or what your ecosystem is like. So I think that also is really powerful can just be in the energetic realms, which is beautiful for some people.
[00:16:18] Um, but I think the biggest benefit for me is just, it gave me so much forgiveness and compassion because it allowed me, which is, you know, anyone who's listening, who's a cycle breaker. One of the most unnatural things you have to do as a cycle breaker is basically draw a line in the sand and say, okay, that was my human experience up to now.
[00:16:42] And that was not fair. And that was unjust. And that was awful. And that shouldn't have happened. And if I'm truly going to be a cycle breaker, that doesn't matter anymore. And like, even just saying those words makes me want to cry because it just can't. Like if you're truly going to be a cycle breaker, you have to be like, okay.
[00:17:04] It doesn't, can you curse on your part that you're
[00:17:07] Erika Straub: okay. Cause like,
[00:17:09] Tanner Wallace: I have to say it this way for it to be true to me, like what it feels like in my body is like, it doesn't fucking matter anymore. Like you gotta let go of that. And so there's this huge piece of cycle breaking that's like allowing the parts that have been hurt, you know, the stories, the narratives, all of that, actually putting that to rest and letting it go.
[00:17:35] And, and really realizing there's actually not going to be justice. Like no one's going to show up and be like, knock on my door and be like, Tanner, we want to apologize. We did all of it. It's just, yeah, it's just done. It's over. I didn't, I didn't get the lucky draw for those things. Yeah.
[00:17:57] Erika Straub: Yeah.
[00:17:58] Tanner Wallace: And yet.
[00:17:59] Erika Straub: A powerful journey.
[00:18:01] Like.
[00:18:01] Tanner Wallace: Yeah. And yet when I pivot. And I look what's ahead or what's been here for me without all of that. It's better. Like if you can be brave enough and find the frequency of actually doing that. Then on the other side, it's like, Oh my gosh, this is so much, this is like, I should have done this years ago.
[00:18:22] Like, this is so much better. So much better.
[00:18:26] Erika Straub: What, what do you think it takes for someone to be a cycle breaker, like the capacity for that or the invitation to step into that? I also identify with being that in all of my lineage and it makes me emotional too. Like the work forever changes you.
[00:18:46] Tanner Wallace: Yeah, like
[00:18:47] Erika Straub: forever changes you and the way you can meet people when you've done that work and be with them is like The truest gift, like the access to, to relate, to actually relate.
[00:19:01] Tanner Wallace: Yeah.
[00:19:01] Erika Straub: That's what it's a lot about is like, I didn't know how to relate. Absolutely did not. And like relearning how to relate, which seems to be the most human and natural thing to do, but being the thing that was the least available to do and really like discovering yourself, not from everything you received, but from what you dismantled is a journey that not.
[00:19:26] Everyone takes or can relate to. And so these humans that step into this cycle breaking role, there's something really powerful and special there.
[00:19:37] Tanner Wallace: Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I just want to take a moment and just like soak in what you just said, because that that's probably the most, um, I've never heard it reflected back to me in a way that was like, yeah, yes, that's it.
[00:19:51] That's it. That's it. So I just want to say that was such a gift to me because I've, I've never actually had it spoken back so clearly to me. So letting that land for a second.
[00:20:02] Erika Straub: Oh, yeah. I mean, you, you definitely activated something in me to touch that because it's just so fucking real in my world. I work and yeah.
[00:20:14] And my clients like it's
[00:20:16] Tanner Wallace: yeah. Yeah. Wow. That like brings me to tears. Yeah. Um, the question was, what does it take or what, how do you find that space?
[00:20:27] Erika Straub: Who, who are these like cycle breakers? Like how do we create this capacity? How do we step into, into that fully?
[00:20:36] Tanner Wallace: Yeah. I mean, what's coming through, which is not what I would expect I would answer, but actually as I sit with it, I'm like, oh yeah, it makes complete sense.
[00:20:44] I would answer this way is that I, I think there's a lot of. Healing work, spiritual work, that's very much about like transcending or rising above. And to me, cycle breaking is the absolute opposite. It's like the most physical, unsexy, not elegant, snot, tears, blood. Like, it's just, it's like, you don't look good.
[00:21:11] You don't feel good. So you have to let go of, yeah, it's such humbling work.
[00:21:22] Erika Straub: Absolutely.
[00:21:24] Tanner Wallace: So it is just not pretty. And so I think when someone touches that and like, oh, that's what it's about. And they can find like a guide or a path or something that's like, yeah, But we'll, we'll baby step into it. Like, we're not going to throw you on like some ayahuasca journey naked and just say heal.
[00:21:48] I mean, I don't know, maybe, but like, I know it's not in my world because it'd be like, what the heck? But if anyone does that, maybe that works. I'm not throwing shade on anyone who does that to be clear. It might totally be the way, and I just haven't met the way yet, but. It's like, so you've got to find a path.
[00:22:07] You've got to find someone that can bridge to where you are, which for a lot of people is very far from that. You know, they're everyday people. Like, I have a 9 to 5. I have kids. I, you know, I do family dinners. Like, you know, like, you're so embedded in whatever script you've been operating to just Even a name that you've CPTSD and that your parents traumatized you when you go on vacations or like you're sending out Christmas, like Christmas cards or holiday cards like so I do think it helps to have a bridge where someone can baby step towards the dismantling and the unwinding.
[00:22:45] At a pace and in a way that feels familiar enough,
[00:22:49] Erika Straub: yeah,
[00:22:49] Tanner Wallace: that you don't have to take this massive leap that a lot of people for understandable reasons, don't feel equipped to do. So I think pathways guides roadmaps. Plans are very important, you know, and, and, and mainstream ones where people are like, Oh yeah, I can look at you and like, okay, yeah, I get like, you're enough like me that I could see myself going down this path.
[00:23:15] So I think that's really important. Um, but then I think it's the, it's the humans that then have the path get on the path, see what it's actually about. And. Are willing to look silly, to look stupid, to look dirty and unkempt. And I think that's also just finding a guide that gives you enough permission to do that.
[00:23:44] And so one of the things that I, like, so just to give a really concrete example of this. Something in my own work, which you know, unfolds over time with clients. I don't always get to see the moment , you know, but in one place and the way I guide, I do get to see moments and it's in my breath work facilitation.
[00:24:02] And so when I guide breath work, you know, most of my clients are video on 'cause they trust me. You know, we've been doing work. And the moment I see, cause everyone starts myself included breath work, they're sitting up, they're just doing the three part breath. And then eventually after a few sessions, they'll lay down and like, okay, good.
[00:24:20] They're laying down and they'll be like, it's safe to vocalize. It's safe to move. And then at some point, sure enough, every one of them will be like. You know, like something comes out, like whatever it is, and I'm like, hallelujah, praise God, we've made it. They're like, you know, they're crying, they've got snot and it's all, I'm in a group, so they're all muted.
[00:24:45] Erika Straub: So I
[00:24:45] Tanner Wallace: can't hear them, but I can see, you know, they get up, they start moving, they start Expressing they start channeling
[00:24:54] Erika Straub: like,
[00:24:54] Tanner Wallace: okay, we've gotten somewhere
[00:24:56] Erika Straub: we've opened. We've opened a portal.
[00:24:59] Tanner Wallace: Yeah.
[00:25:00] Erika Straub: Yeah. That letting go, like really letting that go and come forward. And I don't know about you, but I found in like my own journey, that letting go and actually getting close to the release is really frightening and where my protectors want to be like, I don't know about that.
[00:25:20] Tanner Wallace: Yeah.
[00:25:21] Erika Straub: And that's such a tender space. Thanks. To like, really allow it to come all the way forward.
[00:25:26] Tanner Wallace: Yep. So it's like, it's like finding the past, so summarize, finding the past, having like that on ramp for people, finding permission to let go in a way of release that is actually releasing energy and emotions.
[00:25:43] And then, as I'm sure you're going to agree with it, then, It's reconnecting with the person or the container after the release and working through the shame or like whatever comes up to like, wow, you just saw me in a way I've never let anyone see me. How am I going to reconnect with you now? Yeah. And is that safe?
[00:26:03] Erika Straub: Oof. I have chills, like, all the way down my body. That integration piece and that coming home piece cannot be missed.
[00:26:12] Tanner Wallace: Yeah.
[00:26:12] Erika Straub: Because if you're opened like that, and don't touch back in, then what? I think that can be a really scary, like, untethered place, because it's like, you, you don't know this part of you yet.
[00:26:25] You don't know you in this experience and this release, and I think that can bring up a lot of different feelings.
[00:26:33] Tanner Wallace: Yeah. So I think it's all that personally. And then really to tap into the cycle breaker, it's, it's really navigating your trauma ecosystem and, and learning how to do that in a way that. You know, over time, you come to this place of electro neutrality with everyone, but you still are emotionally connected where you're like, I'm still emotionally connected to you, but I am so electro neutral.
[00:27:03] There's nothing you could say or do that would harm me anymore. Like I've cracked this code of self protection that you can have all your protective parts, all your survival instincts, whatever you still need to feel safe. And you can even target them directly at me and I'm okay and I can still hold the steady container safe and strong and, you know, give grace and compassion.
[00:27:31] But that comes over time because you can't do that when you haven't learned how to self protect enough because then it's just retraumatizing. And so then it's like being able to be in the space of your trauma ecosystem and, and, You can't heal people for them. I mean, you just can't do that, but you can make it so easy for them to live in a safe space, like with you around and kind of coach them into safety without self sacrificing, you know, unattached to the result.
[00:28:07] Like if, you know, if, if they still drink, if they still move in with this person, if they still get fired from this job, you know, whatever it is. I'm not attached to that result. I'm just holding the steady container so that there's healing power flowing through me. And I'm hoping through my own work that will be strong enough to like orient everyone towards it.
[00:28:30] Erika Straub: Yeah.
[00:28:30] Tanner Wallace: Um, but that, that's pretty next level. I mean, I think if you just get to the self protection, you're good, but to be a true cycle breaker, I do think then there is this like larger alignment around a healing power.
[00:28:44] Erika Straub: Yeah, I think so too. And as you were sharing that, I was just thinking about how much of the cycle breaker is about opening, you know, and like really learning to be receptive to what is in the field, but being receptive to what's in your body.
[00:29:00] Without distortions and denial, but like the receptivity of it, I can feel what's here and I don't have to deny it and really dismantling the defenses we have. And I think we only do that when there's a certain level of like openness and softened softening.
[00:29:18] Tanner Wallace: Yeah.
[00:29:19] Erika Straub: And a level of self advocacy that like, I know I have agency and then I'm going to advocate where I need to, but it's so different than when we're like in all that armor.
[00:29:30] Tanner Wallace: Exactly. Yeah. That's I, I call it like what I'm available for and what I'm not available for just being super clear about that. Like, okay, I'm available for that, but I'm not available for that.
[00:29:41] Erika Straub: Yeah. Yeah. And being direct about it. Like the directness I think is so healing. Like that, that to me is where trust is really, really built.
[00:29:49] And if there's anything that I really believe in, in all the trauma work and complex trauma work is like the need for trust to be restored.
[00:29:58] Tanner Wallace: Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely.
[00:30:02] Erika Straub: It's like that bridge inside.
[00:30:04] Tanner Wallace: Yeah. So huge. Yeah. So huge.
[00:30:08] Erika Straub: What, what containers do you find are the most challenging for us to kind of hold the safe space?
[00:30:19] Because I think in different containers, it's, it's more simple, less activating to be that safe space holder. Where do you find that that's maybe the most challenging or the most activating? Me?
[00:30:33] Tanner Wallace: I think. I mean, I think it's been a journey as a guide or facilitator just to kind of know, like, like you said, how to set the container, how to set the structure, how to just, like, be so clean about everything and so transparent about everything.
[00:30:49] And that goes from the very minute. You decide what the container is to the exchange of the money to the like how you integrate people in like how communication is. I mean, so there's so many aspects of that that I personally have gotten so much better at over the years. But so, so I think for me, it's, it's Like group has always been the most challenging, but I feel like I'm solid in that now after like learning some of the lessons, the hard way to be like, okay, not that.
[00:31:18] Let me clean that up and make sure everyone's okay. Um, but that, I mean, but that leads to what I was going to say is that. I really believe that everyone needs to have individual healing containers and group healing containers because they're very different. And so if you're only doing one, you're not really like each one just activate something different.
[00:31:43] Um, and, and I'm a huge proponent if possible. And I know this isn't possible with all guides or facilitators, but it's so incredible if you can have a one on one relationship with somebody. And do a group with them because it really starts to be like, Oh, that's so interesting. Like, this is how I feel one on one with them.
[00:32:04] When I'm in a group, it activates this, these things. And then you can go back and process some of the group thing. It just is a beautiful context. If that's possible with one person that you're really connected with, that you really love their guidance. I've had the best personal experiences, like really seen.
[00:32:21] All of my parts and the edges and like, kind of where I need to grow and communicate more clearly when I've been able to do that.
[00:32:29] Erika Straub: Yeah. What do you see shows up in both of those spaces? Like, can you speak into the difference from like the one on one field and that community group space?
[00:32:39] Tanner Wallace: Yeah. So I think with the one on one it's, it's, especially if it's someone you really respect and you're like, okay, I really respect this person.
[00:32:48] It's just letting down. whatever performance you do with people so that they feel like you have it together or, um, like, you know, all the answers. So it's, it's kind of just, okay, well, I've got to be real here or else I can't really receive the direct coaching or the, We're always going to be on the surface.
[00:33:12] It's never actually going to get to what I need. Um, I think it is really like if you have a big release or they walk you through something big coming to the next session and just like reconnecting with an individual person one on one and being like, okay, you're still looking at me. We're still making eye contact.
[00:33:30] Like, and I think it's also really interesting when it's one on one and the guidance is really clear. You're like, They clearly told me that this is what they advise, like that I really need to look at this or I really need to turn towards this, not in a controlling way, but just in a way they're being a good coach.
[00:33:48] They're being a good facilitator. And then I come back and I didn't do it. Why didn't I do it? You know, so it's real, you can really identify blocks or, and it's not even that you should have done what they said. Sometimes that's not like it, but it's like, Oh, I should have just said in the moment why I knew I, that wasn't going to work for me.
[00:34:09] Like, why did I pretend I was going to do it when I, so it's not just like, Oh, why didn't I listen to the expert? It's not just that all the time. It's just like. Hmm. Why didn't I advocate for myself? Or why didn't I like be like, I like what you're saying, but can we revise it a little bit? Cause I've already tried something like that, or I feel resistance to that right away.
[00:34:27] I don't think that's going to work for me. Like maybe it's worked for you, but I think I need something different.
[00:34:32] Erika Straub: Yeah. Those are powerful moments. Like I love, I absolutely love and celebrate when clients bring something forward like that.
[00:34:40] Tanner Wallace: Yeah.
[00:34:40] Erika Straub: If I miss. And they bring it forward. Like that opportunity to me is some of the most intimate moments with clients, like where that drops us into, because now it's not just about like their stuff or their relationship.
[00:34:54] It's now we're about our relationship. What's happening here in this field right now.
[00:34:59] Tanner Wallace: Yeah. And I think one on one too. I mean, just two other things too, is that. You know, when you're seeing someone one on one and you do something outside of the container and you kind of feel guilty or you feel a little bit like, oh, if Erica was watching, and that's going to be good, you know, that's a little bit of like an, a little bit of an accountability, you know, you know, obviously you want compassion and you want someone who's going to like love you no matter what and be like, it's fine, we're going to begin again, it's all good, it's a learning process, but interesting that like, there's still something here.
[00:35:32] Erica. That you're not fully owning, you know, or, or willing to take responsibility for. So I feel like the accountability is great. But then I think also, especially in long term one on one relationships, you're, you're going to have something that triggers you. The person's going to do something that's triggering the person's going to do, like miss something, forget something, get frustrated with you.
[00:35:54] You know, whatever it is, like have their own trigger that they're triggered, like, and they didn't. They didn't quite do what they should have done, like whatever it is. And then working through that relationally is so powerful. And, and I would just say, you know, someone's listening and they're like, Oh my gosh, like I've never had my coach or facilitator or therapist or guide ever do relational repair with me.
[00:36:19] I would keep looking because like in a really strong container, the relational repair, I mean, it shouldn't be happening all the time because the person should know how to run a container, but that it's available and occasionally you have to like regroup together. So powerful.
[00:36:35] Erika Straub: Super powerful. I don't know if this was your experience and kind of learning to meet those moments.
[00:36:41] But I know when I started in the space and holding space, I really was not that skillful at repair at that time. Like this is many years ago, thankfully, that I've refined, but really, really didn't have those skill sets. And what I had to learn through like client work was a lot of ruptures and where my own boundaries were not.
[00:37:06] And the harm that that can cause and, and really needed to take accountability and like walk those back.
[00:37:14] Tanner Wallace: Absolutely. Absolutely. And I mean, I think that just comes from learning that comes from like things not going well repairing. And then I think there also comes like, you know, the more self expressed I am.
[00:37:28] And the more I know who I am as a guide, facilitator, coach, the more I just embody that. And so it's easier than to just like the people that say yes to working with me, we kind of already have like, they kind of know what they're getting, where I feel like before when I wasn't so comfortable just being seen as my full self saying it, how I would say you know, and even just initiating the client agreement, not just being clear about like, You know, I have something in my client agreement.
[00:37:57] That's like, I'm a content creator. I'm a podcaster. I may on occasion at a very high level, use an example from our container without your name, but like you're agreeing that you're okay with that. And so if someone reads that and they're like, I'm not okay with that. Perfect. Like, I'm so glad because then if I'm on a podcast episode and I tell a client story, or I write an Instagram post and they're like, that's me.
[00:38:23] They're going to be like, yeah, but I'm okay with that. Like I'm a content creator too, or like, I'm glad they're using it. I want people to see my story. Like it just is alignment from the beginning. So that really, really helps.
[00:38:35] Erika Straub: Yeah. What did, what did that journey look like for you? Like going from maybe not knowing all these parts of yourself yet or knowing who you were as a facilitator
[00:38:46] Tanner Wallace: and then
[00:38:46] Erika Straub: really stepping into being seen and self expressed like that's.
[00:38:50] That's the journey right?
[00:38:52] Tanner Wallace: Yeah,
[00:38:52] Erika Straub: that's intimacy, right? Like really knowing self.
[00:38:56] Tanner Wallace: Yeah. I mean, the way that I did it, and so I'm not sure it's like the best way is I at certain times, you know, cause I've been actively healing for three years. So like, there's been a learning curve, um, only really holding one on one space for the last two years, but I closed my container.
[00:39:15] Like I ended, like I saw my clients through, but I was like, you know what? Like, The boundaries need to be different. I'm showing up differently. Like, let me just pause the one on one work for a little bit. Stabilize, integrate, decide when I'm ready to reopen it and then reopen it again. And that's, I always take months off every now and again.
[00:39:39] Not because it like it was, it's wobbly or, but just, Like, what do I want to do? What's the container? What's the price point? What are the boundaries? And then it's like, I'm not doing that while I'm serving one on one clients, but it's like a clear break. Everyone knows we're taking a break. And then it's like a new re sign on the other side of that break.
[00:40:01] And so that's how I've. Navigated it, um,
[00:40:05] Erika Straub: beautiful to like, like put in the integration time because that's like probably the most important part. And I think we often skip that part that they're
[00:40:15] Tanner Wallace: really
[00:40:16] Erika Straub: this, like sinking into everything that's come up and letting it reorient navigate. How do I show up with who I am now?
[00:40:25] Because it's different than. A few months ago, six months ago, a year ago, and I really find myself in this reorientation.
[00:40:33] Tanner Wallace: Yeah, you know, they're in full transparency, though. So I feel like I need to be like full transparent, bring it some of that, like closing it and starting it. I actually have come to understand.
[00:40:47] In seeing how you've held long term spaces like for many years, like, and my coach holds, but my mentor holds spaces long term for many, many years. I'm realizing that I would, I think I'm ready to just do that now and not feel like I need to have a predetermined end to a one on one container. So actually in April.
[00:41:12] When all the things end, I'm opening up just like, it doesn't have to open and close. Like, I'm good. I'm solid. We can do this as long as you want.
[00:41:21] Erika Straub: How does it feel to step into that? I think I'm ready.
[00:41:26] Tanner Wallace: I'm really ready. And I think it'll be really nice.
[00:41:28] Erika Straub: Yeah. There's something so different about long term containers.
[00:41:32] And I think for me, it's been a learning process in it because my, I had to shrink my practice like in half. This was Probably sometime last year because it was just, it was too much, too much to hold many, too many humans and what it was, you know, pulling from me, but then really honing in on long term clients and every client I have right now has probably been with me for years.
[00:42:01] And it's so beautiful because it's such a different space.
[00:42:04] Tanner Wallace: Yeah. Like,
[00:42:05] Erika Straub: it's not this, like, dating process, right? It's like really sinking in to the relationship
[00:42:12] Tanner Wallace: and it feels
[00:42:13] Erika Straub: different.
[00:42:14] Tanner Wallace: It feels so different. Yeah, so I'm excited to step into that.
[00:42:19] Erika Straub: Yeah, what do you notice at like the beginning of containers and then more so when you're kind of in the meat and the longer term?
[00:42:28] Tanner Wallace: Yeah, so I think group has a very different trajectory than one on one. Um, I, they're very opposite energies at the beginning. So one on one typically is like a lot of energy at first because the person is so excited to be in the container. So excited that they're like, you know, made it in there here. So because, and I do messaging in between sessions.
[00:42:50] So it's like, you know, a lot of messages, a lot of questions, um, which is great. I mean, I'm excited. They're excited. They want all the answers they've been waiting for it. They just want to soak it all in. And then we kind of come to more of a steady pace. As the time goes on, group is very opposite. It's like, everyone is like, well, let me just be quiet here.
[00:43:14] Let's see. There'll be a few people who just dive right in, but then most people are just like hanging out. And it often takes to like the midpoint of a group container where people are like, Oh, fuck. If I don't like actually start participating in this, I'm going to miss it. So then you start to see things like kind of, and then like the last couple of weeks of a group container, it's like the most active where one on one it's like this natural, like, well, I know we're saying goodbye.
[00:43:41] I know this is completing. So I think there's this natural, the client kind of pulls away to be a little more independent kind of. You know, baby step into, I'm not going to have you in my back pocket anymore. I'm not going to see you every week anymore. You know, that's just kind of a natural piece. And then, you know, so that's a very interesting thing that I've seen over my time doing both.
[00:44:04] Erika Straub: How do you navigate the closing of these one on one containers? Because It's so, I mean, I don't think that's given enough airtime, like how significant those closings are and like an attachment ending in a certain way, a relationship ending and stepping into the other side, outside of the container.
[00:44:24] Tanner Wallace: Yeah.
[00:44:24] So I feel like I've been given two really good models. So in internal family systems, I've done level one and level two, going to do level three in April, which I'm super excited about. They have a beautiful closing of the container process in all of their training. So it just must be something that's culturally part of how they run their trainings.
[00:44:45] Um, so I really learned from there to really let people speak for all parts of them. Because that's beautiful because you don't have a singular experience of a container ending like some parts of you might be like thank goodness like we'll have more time to ourselves now like we don't have to show up we don't have to be so accountable we don't have to like, you know, be responsible for this thing anymore.
[00:45:09] I'm excited to have some more freedom other parts are like I'm sad because this means I won't see you and I'm going to miss you. I miss the people in this container. So that's beautiful to let multiple parts speak at the end of the container. And then my one on one mentor and like group mentor, Stephanie and Houston, she just does be, I've seen her and so many containers.
[00:45:34] Like, I mean, I've been working with her for Over two years now in group and individual, like all different group configurations, and she just has nailed the ending of a container. And so I think through giving everyone a chance to have multiple parts through a leader who's just really confident in the ending makes it beautiful, but definitive and unwavering.
[00:46:02] I mean, because I think that really matters. It's like. When my kids were going to daycare, I'll never forget this one. I can picture her so clearly. She was like, okay, Tanner, you come in, you drop Steven at, you know, at the door. You say, I love you. I'm going to be back at three o'clock. I love you. I love you.
[00:46:21] I love you. And then you walk away and you don't look back because if you waver, if you cry, if you do this in confusing goodbye, it's very confusing. So it's also taken so much strength because I have my feelings when I say goodbye to clients or container ends, like I have grief, I have sadness, I have parts, but that's mine.
[00:46:48] To deal with outside of the container I'm leading and so squeaky clean and the container delete the message like you gotta just but you give someone a process and you start it wave of like not too far but like three days a week depending how long term the container is and you build space in for the closing and then you do it cleanly
[00:47:12] Erika Straub: as clean as humanly possible like endings are so important how we end things I think sets the precedent for what happens next.
[00:47:21] And I think they are just the more threads and nervous system wires that are just loose.
[00:47:30] Tanner Wallace: Yeah. And I was just going to add that, you know, in a coaching or therapy or support. You know, it's real and that it's a real relationship, but it's also a paid service. And so there is this, you know, that's why I think the cleanliness of the ending and just the really clear communication matters so much.
[00:47:52] And it is unnatural in some ways. And, and, you know, You have to really tap into this understanding of love goes on beyond a container, but because you paid me to hold a container for you, we're not going to keep in touch after the container, but that doesn't mean I don't love you. And it doesn't mean I don't want to hear from you occasionally like.
[00:48:21] Oh, that you got ended up getting married. Like you ended up having the baby. You ended up quitting the job. Like I want to know those milestones and yet I'm not going to be on DMS with you day to day anymore. Absolutely. And so that, that takes practice. That takes Such faith in the unfolding, such belief in the transformation, such faith in your client and their power.
[00:48:47] And like, they're just getting started. They don't need me anymore. Like, like them not needing me anymore. And this being a beautiful completion, like is the result they wanted. They think they need me and they're scared without me, but they're going to be so much better because we're done. And that's good.
[00:49:03] Erika Straub: Yeah. I just love the idea of like containers changing shape and that the feelings and the love, like that doesn't leave you. I've always been the person that said, if I love you, I love you forever. And the container may change, but like that feeling doesn't like that stays. And that to me is like the most beautiful, like part of all of these relationships.
[00:49:26] Tanner Wallace: I still, like even this morning I was cleaning out a part of my little space and this client just came to me so strongly. I was like, Oh my gosh, I want to take a moment and just be like, wish that client well, like they're so energetically strong for me right now. So yeah, you just carry everyone just in different ways.
[00:49:45] Erika Straub: Yeah. And I, I want to just put this in our, our field cause I think it's so part of like our relationship is how we've been able to navigate so many containers. And I think it's been like such a gift to me and such like so many lessons of like how do we handle all of these different moving containers and get to show up in spaces like this together and then really in the trenches together, it's like the level and amount of containers we're holding between each other has been such a gift.
[00:50:16] Tanner Wallace: Yeah. And I think to, to kind of bring it back to something you said, I mean I think it's 'cause we're both so open. And with that grounded openness, it's like, well, whatever comes, we'll, we'll talk about it. We'll figure it out. We'll like, like, nothing's threatening or dangerous or like uncertain. Cause it's just like, even if it's like, oh, that was not the best or like, oh, that was a little challenge.
[00:50:38] Not, not even like interpersonally, but just like whatever it is with life, the container, our own, like not remembering things or just like, you know. Going through different phases of our own life, our own healing. It's like, well, if you can talk it through and everyone's going to be honest and you trust each other, it's going to, we're going to figure it out.
[00:50:57] Erika Straub: Just knowing like the repair is always possible. That feels like a lifeline. And you know, the repair is possible.
[00:51:04] Tanner Wallace: Yeah. And someone's here for it.
[00:51:07] Erika Straub: They want to be here for it. Like bring that forward. Let's repair this. Like that's a value system.
[00:51:14] Tanner Wallace: So good.
[00:51:16] Erika Straub: So I have one question I want to finish on. I actually kind of have two, so I'm going to ask both of them.
[00:51:22] Okay. I want to know what you love most about parts work and how that really has like amplified your life.
[00:51:31] Tanner Wallace: Yeah. I mean, when I say parts work saved my life, like that's not being dramatic and I'm also not someone that's like, I mean, IFS and parts work and have a little like cult, like feel like, I don't know if anyone's, anyone's listening has been like, sometimes you're like, Oh, that's a lot.
[00:51:47] That's very intense. So I hold, I, I'm not quite that like integrated in, because I think everything in moderation, many things all at once, like it's all. It's all here. Um, but I, but I'm eternally grateful for learning about parts work, which I learned about on Instagram. So I'm all, that's also why I love content creation so much.
[00:52:10] Um, I think for me, it just really gave me a way to see I'm not all one thing. Like I am a multiplicity of energies of entities of parts, some, you know, cause I associate as having complex trauma. Some don't even feel like my own, like I've unburdened parts of me that I feel like I absorbed during moments of lack of self protection around darker energy.
[00:52:38] Some felt very much like, Oh yeah, this is my survival instinct, completely embodied. Like the performance part, um, some of them, I felt like I inherited just this fear energy that you can't trust people, you know, and so that just felt like an energy running through me. So with this idea that I can see the energies, entities, and parts as distinct from whom I was meant to be without the trauma and the conditioning felt just, first of all, just like a full body resonance.
[00:53:08] Yes. And just practically speaking, doing unburdening with parts, energies, or entities, I, I've felt the result in my body. I've helped clients. So just entirely practically, it works like it's, it's this very practical way of understanding a trauma response, understanding implicit memories, understanding energetics of dark energy of trauma.
[00:53:39] I think I just love it because it's so practical and it works so well. And yet it's so deeply spiritual too. I mean, it's been so spiritual for me, this idea of source energy and the dark energy of trauma. So I think it's just been this beautiful practice for my trauma recovery. I don't, and I mean, this is where I kind of.
[00:54:02] It feel a little, um, different than some of them at mainstream internal family systems perspectives. Like to me, the goal is integration. Like, I don't want to have parts when some to the other side of my recovery. I want to feel like I'm one integrated whole being. And so yeah, I can be like, Ooh, I feel that like, Ooh, that was a zing or like, Oh, I feel frustrated energy right now.
[00:54:25] But I don't really identify with having parts anymore. I mean, I have a few parts I'm still working with related to my trauma, but I don't feel like I'm going to be a human that's like, Oh, that's my shy part. Or, Oh, that's my. angry part.
[00:54:40] Erika Straub: I'm like,
[00:54:40] Tanner Wallace: well, that's just me all of a sudden, like not knowing if I want to step forward or not.
[00:54:44] So let me just use my discernment, read the room a little bit. So that's a little different. Like, I feel like parts work for trauma recovery, maybe not for me personally, parts work as a way of orienting towards life in general.
[00:54:59] Erika Straub: I don't know. I love that. Like, I think of it so much as when we've had trauma, everything is like, We're so enmeshed with all these parts of ourself and so blended and nothing makes sense in that space.
[00:55:11] It's just chaos. And we have to come apart to release all the energy that's being held within them. But as we're like emptying the vessel, like these parts do come closer back to home. And there is that integration piece. And also I think is so organic. I feel like even people who have no idea what parts work is speak in parts.
[00:55:37] Part of me wants this. Part of me wants that. Like we've naturally or like orient to describing a lot of feelings and experiences in that way. So I think it's such a doorway to that, to that integration, but it's like this coming apart to come back together. Exactly.
[00:55:53] Tanner Wallace: Exactly. Or release things that aren't meant to be yours.
[00:55:57] Yeah. So there's like really like, Oh, that way that's I've alchemized that I've transmuted that that's now safe, neutral energy. Like, let me release it back out into the collective because it's, it's not actually meant for me. Yeah. I think to it also parts work very practically when you're in a trauma response, and you haven't had the.
[00:56:18] Experience of having a co regulator, like no, one's taught you how to find center because you never had co regulation as a kid to develop that skill, being able to hold parts or triggered, you know, energies and see yourself as separate. Like you, it teaches you how to put that floor back underneath you.
[00:56:40] And that that's life saving.
[00:56:43] Erika Straub: Absolutely. Like,
[00:56:44] Tanner Wallace: yeah,
[00:56:44] Erika Straub: saving is the, the absolute description of
[00:56:47] Tanner Wallace: that. Life saving
[00:56:49] Erika Straub: orientation that happens when you can't step into self and be able to kind of witness the field and witness the wounds and the energies. It's, I mean, really scary things can come from that place.
[00:57:02] Tanner Wallace: Absolutely. And we see that. I mean, you can see that in the world. So yeah.
[00:57:07] Erika Straub: Absolutely. So my last question for you. Dropped into it. I think this work that we do in the world is the embodiment of this. But how do you hold or defined intimacy? What does that mean to you?
[00:57:22] Tanner Wallace: Oh my goodness. Hmm.
[00:57:28] I mean, it's so interesting because for me, it just has so many different flavors depending on like it to me as I like drop into it. It's so Specific, like the intimacy I have with my children feels very different than the intimacy I have with my partner, feels very different than intimacy I have with my clients, feels very different than some of the intimacy I have with, you know, my followers that take in every podcast, take in every Instagram post.
[00:57:59] Um, so what's the similar piece if they all feel different? Is that I feel I can feel I can describe it more as a body experience than I can in words, so I'll just what it feels like in my body is that there is no separation, like what's happening for you. I'm not taking it on in this like. Burdensome way, but I'm so with you in it that like we're, we're actually co creating what's happening right now in this moment, like at a cellular level, like, because if I wasn't here and if you weren't here and we weren't this present and we weren't this hooked in, everything that would happen from here would be different.
[00:58:52] And so when I'm hooked in with my partner or a client, my kids, a follower, it's like, I just know in my body that everything that happens from like this moment forward is forever changed by what's happening right now. It's like that powerful and that connected.
[00:59:11] Erika Straub: It's so potent. Like, I feel it so deeply just as you're speaking into that.
[00:59:16] I'm like, I'm in your field right now, like, in my body feeling that, that tapped in energy.
[00:59:24] Tanner Wallace: Yeah, and like, you know, and I see it, you know, you know, there's in exchanges we have with people where we're like, I'm close with you. I still love you. Like, we're still doing something together, but it's not what I just described.
[00:59:37] We're somehow on the surface or we're somehow distracted or somehow missing each other. We're not. in that. And so like intimacy too feels like very temporal to me. Like there's a context where intimacy is even possible. And that probably has some ingredients that have to be in place, but then you only touch intimacy at certain moments and then it go like, you know, it doesn't.
[01:00:05] Just get destroyed but it just then you back back out and people are living their life and they're distracted or you're missing each other Or you're not present and then you come in because I don't think you know I think about it like I don't think you could have the kind of intimacy that I'm talking about all the time
[01:00:21] Erika Straub: I don't think so.
[01:00:22] I don't and I don't think we're meant to like I don't
[01:00:24] Tanner Wallace: think so either
[01:00:25] Erika Straub: It's a potent field, like a pocket to drop into. And then it's like coming back to just self and being in your energy and you know, that kind of intimacy coming back into me, but then dropping back in and yeah, it's, it's very felt.
[01:00:42] Tanner Wallace: You know, but as you're talking, you're saying turning back into yourself.
[01:00:46] I do actually think, I think this is the edge of my own practice right now is I would like to feel that dropped into me all the time. And I notice now that when I'm not, and I'm confused, I'm overwhelmed, I'm frustrated, like something I've lost that like, deep connection to like, I know what's happening. I know what I'm supposed to do.
[01:01:13] I'm peaceful, I can trust in the unfolding. So maybe that's it. That's like, you've given me an inquiry now.
[01:01:20] Erika Straub: I love that. I, I do find more and more that, that I do live. Inside myself, but I also feel like the contrast of things and what it brings forward is really important to not always be in that because it's like having to feel into the contrast, right?
[01:01:39] Like this feels like self and Ooh, this doesn't feel like self. And that helps me kind of like navigate, like where I end and someone else begins and like these edges.
[01:01:50] Tanner Wallace: Yeah.
[01:01:51] Erika Straub: I'm appreciating more the contrast that shows up.
[01:01:56] Tanner Wallace: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll sit with all of that.
[01:02:02] Erika Straub: Well, where, where can people follow your work?
[01:02:05] Where can they find you?
[01:02:07] Tanner Wallace: Yeah. The best place to find me as Instagram at CPTSD medicine, everything, like everything links to there. That's like the central hub. I love Instagram.
[01:02:16] Erika Straub: Beautiful. I love the content you create on there. It's like so digestible, but also something that you don't really see anywhere else.
[01:02:27] Tanner Wallace: Yeah, every now and then someone will post like, I have no idea what you just said. I'm like, well, hang around a little bit. You might, you probably, sometimes I post things, I'm like, did that, I did that. I mean, it made sense to me, but like, is that going to make sense to anybody else? I don't know. But we'll see.
[01:02:42] Erika Straub: It makes sense to me. Okay.
[01:02:44] Tanner Wallace: That's good.
[01:02:45] Erika Straub: So deeply, deeply resonate. So please keep creating.
[01:02:50] Tanner Wallace: Yeah.
[01:02:51] Erika Straub: Well, thank you so much, Tanner, for being here. Like, Of course. Thank you. guys. I love every moment that we get to connect in all of our different containers and I'm just, just in awe of who you are as a human and as a mother, as a friend, as a colleague.
[01:03:08] It's, it's really beautiful the places that you can go and what you can hold and just your, your presence and energy has been so Healing for me. And as you know, of course, it's it's been my deepest honor being a part of your family and your Children and doing this work together. It's really changed me.
[01:03:34] Tanner Wallace: Oh my goodness. Thank you. Oh my gosh. I mean, I'll just let that stand. I'll just, I'll just receive that and receive that. But it's been such a pleasure being here. I don't, I actually don't do many interviews anymore. Like I haven't done one in a really long time. Cause I'm just like, you know what? Like I'm just doing my thing.
[01:03:54] I'm in my own lane, my zero follower account. I'm just like, I'm not like, I don't follow anybody. I don't, I'm just like, I don't, I just have learned. I've got to stay in my lane. For me, I'm not saying it's, it's, some people are meant to be the connectors. They're like, I am not, I'm meant to just hunker down, roll up my sleeves, stay close to the ground and broadcast messages.
[01:04:14] But when you said, I'm doing this, do you want to do it? I took a second and said, Oh my gosh, am I going to say yes to this? Like, is this going to be something? I was like, it's Erica. I'm going to say yes.
[01:04:25] Erika Straub: I so appreciate it. I so appreciate it. It was so Valuable. And I'm excited for people to get to sit in this and drop in with us.
[01:04:35] Tanner Wallace: I agree. I agree. What a beautiful piece of content we co created.
[01:04:39] Erika Straub: Yes. In intimacy.
[01:04:41] Tanner Wallace: On intimacy and all the things.
[01:04:43] Erika Straub: I love it. Thank you so much.
[01:04:45] Tanner Wallace: Oh, in intimacy. I got it. It took me a second.
[01:04:47] Erika Straub: I got it.
[01:04:50] Tanner Wallace: Absolutely.
[01:04:51] Erika Straub: Thank you.
[01:04:51] Tanner Wallace: Thank you. Thank you.
[01:04:53] Erika Straub: My pleasure.
[01:04:54] If this podcast feels in resonance with you, I would be so grateful for 30 seconds of your time to follow or subscribe to the return to you podcast to leave a five star rating and review and to share this episode with someone you love who's on the journey home to themselves too. Thank you so much for being here.
[01:05:17] I see you.